In Your Eyes~~~The 100 Bellarke FanFiction

7 months

Clarke:

It's been seven months.

Seven months since the attack on mountweather.

Seven months since I've seen the sunlight.

Seven months of Cage Wallace.

Seven months of Anna.

And seven months since I've seen Bellamy Blake.

In these seven months the attacks ended swiftly. As soon as most of the grounders were released along with most of the 100 they stopped fighting. I can't blame them. They had nothing left to fight for. To them I was gone. To him I am gone. My friends have been set free. The grounders are free. There is finally peace. I bore it so they didn't have to.

But finally in these seven months Cage has ripped twisted and tore my head so badly I'm beginning to forget who I really am.

On that operating table once again I tried my very hardest to let go to finally let myself be free. Maybe it was Cages coaxing voice, maybe it was the idea that Bellamy was on the other side of that glass watching in horror as he finally lost me for good, maybe it was survival instinct, but instead of letting go like my heart begged me, my brain betrayed me. In a last attempt to save myself I switched from Clarke to Anna. I had to let myself go to get myself back again. The surgery then turned me back from Anna to Clarke. Cage need never know. And for the past 7 months he hasn't.

As soon as I woke I could feel Anna trying to push through again. I had to train myself to push her deep down. To not let her out or see. She had to experience the torcher not me. It was hard at first whenever Cage was near I had to focus all my energy on keeping her locked in my mind.

It's funny how she can be me in every way but be a completely different person. It's tearing me apart but everyday has become a fuzzy memory. Every moment a confused struggle. Cage keeps me dizzy with all the 'post op' pills. For my 'blood vessel'.

Let Cage have his pancake breakfast, afternoon teas, and formal dances, oh and midnight snacks. Because I still have myself. He hadn't won. He'll never win.

Although. For some reason I can't seem to hate Cage. After all he's done to me. All he does to me. I can't. Something in me is telling me to care for him. It feels like love but it can't be. I can't love someone who's done all these terrible things. And it does help that we spend so much time together. That had been my last 7 seven months.

That and oh the baby bump.

Bellamy:

After Clarke said goodbye I stayed. I stayed all night, next to Abby, who the next night Kane wouldn't allow it for fear reinforcements would come to clean out the war ridden bunker, but I stayed. I stayed the next night and the night after that and the next one too until finally she came back to me. Passed out on a table. White bra and shorts. I thought about leaving but I knew I couldn't leave her. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't save her. All I could do was be there to say goodbye.

I couldn't.

I didn't. I stood there tears streaming down my face listening to her screams. Oh god her screams. Knowing there was nothing I could do. Only when the screams died and subsided into sniffles and the 'help me's turned into 'where am I' s and 'who am I' s did I finally leave.

Here we are 7 months later. I can imagine a big bellied Clarke laying in a fuzzy bed drawing with the note pad resting on her stomach. It comforts me. Then I image Cage walking in and laying beside her. That's when the dreams turn to nightmares. But it's the truth. It must be what's happening.