The Mesh (Raura)

Chapter 15

It's been a few weeks since that fateful night.

Putting distance between me and the other end of this heart string was an only reasonable thing I could think of. My pride couldn't bare defeat so I decided not to fight at all. Ross sealed away our relationship in the friendship cave and I accepted it. I admit that I was somehow expecting more.

He is still with that annoying, little devilish psychopath and he actually holds his ground now. I've taught him well.

Who could've thought that he made my walls break but at the same time, I put a shield around him. He weakened me and I straightened him.

Friendship is acceptable, really. At start even that was too much to expect of me but I somehow broke.

I just can't deny the fact that I am tripping over my own feet. Feelings I've never felt are flying towards him as if pulled by a magnetic force, dragging me with them. The new/old feels make me come alive with different kind of strength and purpose. The problem is that I'm constantly trying to move in the opposite direction, denying, fighting..

I keep it all in. I've never told a single soul that I've come to conclusion that I developed some type of feelings for that idiot. Since understanding them myself is still a problem, I figured it would be better if no one meddled. It's embarrassing to talk about stuff like that as well, at least to me, the person that never really liked anyone like that. Well, besides him. I crushed on him for years when we were kids. It just never grew into something more but now I get this grown up hope that it will.

"Ugh. ", I groan and bite my pillow. Eyes are heavy, too heavy. "I can't concentrate on my studies. Fucking shit. "

I'm annoyed at myself and am ready to punch me in the face. Lucky that my phone rings in the moment I raise my hand. I take a look at it and it's a text message.

Ross: i'm bored

I just chuckle and smile at his name on my screen. We text each other every day although we never make plans to go out alone, only when it's a group meeting. He never asks, I never ask. It goes like that ever since we made a promise that day that we'd get our friendship in order for our own and everyone else's sake.

Me: so?

I'm a master at acting uninterested. In a way, I truly am not interested since I made a barrier between what I feel and how is reasonable to act. I respect the reasonable part which says I shouldn't care too much about his life or I'll get tangled. So I do what I'm the best at, raise up walls so high that not even a single emotion worth of his attention can pass through.

Ross: so do something about it

Me: I'm studying

Ross: who are you lying to, me or yourself, Laura

I hate him..

Me: I'm serious my concentration is at max now so leave me alone

Ross: i know you're doing nothing

Me: shut up

Ross: do you wanna take a walk around campus before I go to play soccer with the guys

I am locked in my place, this very moment and this uncertainty of how I should answer. I just stare at the phone.

Ross: Ethan and Lexi are coming with me

He noticed. He knew I was feeling uneasy. I sigh of relief.

Me: okay but it won't be for long I really have to go back to studying because the English exam is coming up next month, you should study as well dumb blondie