You have never received any letter through mail. Mail is a bit obsolete now and it's not convenient anymore. Communication apps are very accesible and easy to use. And you wonder why would someone send a letter to you in this generation.
You saw the name and it wasn't someone you knew. You opened the enveloped and you realized it's Wonpil's handwriting. It's still as beautiful as it used to be. It looked like an art in form of words. And even before reading the letter, you just had the urge to cry. It was written month ago. It was hand written. It was from Wonpil.
And it starts with:
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Even with all the words I'm going to tell you now, everything will fall to those words. I am sorry.
I couldn't get any sleep for weeks because of this. I was very confused. but actually, I despise myself. It's because whenever I see our pictures together and remember the moments we spent together, it's guilt that I now feel. My heart flutters but it's not because of excitement. It flutters because of guilt because I feel like I'm fooling you now. I feel like I'm hurting you, that I'm pretending I still like you when in fact I don't anymore. I feel guilty that it faded.
I can't understand what I feel anymore. I'm telling this to you because this might make sense to you. You might know what it means. You might know why I feel so guilty. Is this really... guilt? Did I do you wrong? Have I?
Y/n, there were a lot of things that reminds me of you. The aroma of coffee, the university, tulips, sweat shirts and more. There were a lot of things that doesn't seem so revelant to you but a lot of it reminds me of you... or maybe us. You crossed my mind more than how you could imagine. And you stayed on my mind more than how I stayed in yours. There were times I imagine you in my future. And there are a lot of things and stories I haven't told you. I still have those stories when I was still your secret admirer, the career day, the university's festival, our graduation. Stories when you still don't know someone like "Wonpil" exists. Those stories, my unsaid stories of us, I will keep them in me. I will not forget about them. They will rest in me. I'm sorry, now I can't tell them to you anymore. I feel like it won't make sense even if I'll tell them to you.
Y/n, thank you for everything. For the feelings you made me feel again and for the feelings I only felt with you. Thank you for appreaciating my existence and finding value in me. Thank you for all the efforts and time you've spent with me. You made me unimaginably happy. Thank you for liking me. I've always wondered if someone could actually like me. And there you are.
Thank you very much.
But it just faded away. It just happened. I was confused at first and I told myself, "I'm just doubting what I feel." I don't know what I really feel. Or maybe I am just afraid of hurting you so I can't admit it. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to. Sometimes I just pray that we should have been friends. I wish you ignored me and my feelings. I wish this didn't get here. I don't blame you because I know this is just all about me. It's my fault. But I hope you'll never think that I didn't like you. My feelings were true. I really liked you. All the things I did for you, the words I said, they are all genuine. I really cared and worried about you. I know you know how sincere I was. On how much I valued you and how much I cared. I hope you'll never think I fooled you or I played with your feelings because I can't take to even try it. It just turned out this way.
Y/n, this letter is about to end. Honestly, I'm also hurting that I need to say this. I know that you also have a lot of things to tell me and stories you haven't told me. I know that there are a lot of things you did for me that I didn't know and it hurts me that I can't know them anymore.
I really wanted to tell you this in person because I am this serious about us. But I think it's okay this way. I don't want to see your eyes sad. I just want to remember your happy brown eyes. And if I were to say this in person, I might not be able to do it. I might not take it. I really want to hug you too but I might change my mind and feel like there's still something left in my heart.
You told me you love me. and I didn't reply because I told you I only like you. BUT MAYBE. MAYBE I was just too in denial to admit I loved you too.
Y/n, remember me even though I have to say goodbye. I want us to be back the way it used to be but there's no 'used to be'. We didn't start as friends. Can we be friends after this?
Goodbye y/n. Let's meet each other proudly in the future.
love,
w
.
-dontgosummer♡
