To Be Loved

Chapter Thirty-Seven

It's like the whole world went still and got too quiet. A loud beeping noise rang in my ear. My tears halted from falling. 

"W-What?" I asked, muddled.

"We should break up," Xavi said and closed his eyes. His expression was firm as he shook his head. "We shouldn't have done this. This is wrong."

"No..." My tears came back. I shook my head, refusing to process what he just told me.

He opened his eyes again. Walang bakas ng emosyon sa mga mata niya. "You were right, Lavie. Hindi tayo pwede." 

"No... Pwede tayo. You said it before right? Executive order no. 209. The Family Code of the Philipines, article 37 to 38," iyak ko habang hirap na binibigkas ang bawat salita.

"Lavie..." Xavi gently uttered.

"No. Don't do this, X. We can still fix this. If it's because you lied, I'll forgive you. I already forgive you. Just don't..." I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing. Hindi ko na kaya ituloy ang sasabihin. I'm going to break down if I don't stop talking.

"I can't do this anymore with you, Lavie," he said in a low voice.

"You can't do this with me anymore?" I cried out in disbelief. I gave him an incredulous look and shook my head. 

"I tried so hard to stay away from you, X! Nilayuan kita! Umpisa pa lang lumayo ako sa'yo dahil alam kong 'yon ang tama. But I still allowed myself to be swayed by you... because you told me you love me. You said you were scared to lose me. You even asked me to run away with you... And now this?"

Hindi sumagot si Xavi. Bukod sa pamumula ng mga mata ay wala ng ibang emosyon ang mukha niya. He looked unaffected.

"Did you really love me, Xavi?" 

His eyes sharpened. "I did."

I inhaled sharply at his response. Did. I couldn't respond. My entire body went frigid. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything.

"I don't... love you anymore," hirap na sabi niya.

Muling bumalik ang luha sa mga mata ko. My chest feels like it's being slashed wide open. I shook my head. "You don't mean that."

"You were right. We shouldn't have done this. Our love was disgusting-"

"That's not true!" I shrieked, cutting him off.

"I'm sorry."

Nanginginig ang mga labi ko habang patuloy ang pagbagsak ng mga luha sa aking mukha. Paulit-ulit akong umiling. Hindi ko matanggap ang mga sinasabi niya sa akin ngayon.

I want him to take his words back. I want him to say that he's just joking. That this whole thing is just a prank, because hearing him say that he doesn't love me anymore is ripping me apart.

"Why?"

"Lavie, please..."

"No, I want to know. Is it because you got bored? May ginawa ba ako na hindi mo gusto? Is it because of me? Did I do something wrong? Am I not enough?"

"Stop it, Vie," Xavi angrily hissed. "This is wrong-"

"Wrong? You don't seem to mind how wrong this is three years ago. What is it, Xavi?" I licked my trembling lips. "Is it because of Gaia? Did you fall in love with her?" 

"Lavie." He sighed.

Tinitigan ko lang siya. Nangingiusap. Wala siyang balak sagutin ang tanong ko at mas lalong sumakit ang puso ko dahil doon. Is it hard to say no? Why won't he deny it? Ibig sabihin ba totoo? It's Gaia?