The Trial

Thirtytwo

PLAY THE SONG PLEASE xoxo

Paige's PoV
I sit up on the chair , it's been 2 days since I have taken the pills . The doctors said I am lucky to be alive , I don't feel lucky , not one little bit. All I do is stare at the yellowish wall in front of me that has a whiteboard on it with my name. I haven't said a word , not to kaydi , leo ,the doctors or even Ethan.

All I think about it leaving , a voice in my head tells me constantly that I'm a failure , that if I would have taken the pills sooner I wouldn't be here , I beat myself up over it constantly , but I'm on suicide watch so there's nothing I can do.

I'm so alone right now , I have no clue what to do with myself , I should be happy that I'm alive and so is Ethan but I'm not , I feel numb I feel like I'm drowning and , I can't reach the surface of the water , every time I get close there's a demon constantly dragging me back down to the ocean floor.

I heard the door creek open , I was expecting the nurses until a puffy eyed Ethan walks through the heavy door. I see him in the corner of my eyes , he slumps down on the chair beside me , he lifts his hand up and places it on mine I just stare blankly at the wall , my heart is telling me to stop , to look at him , to speak to him , tell him how much I love him and how much I want him in my arms but my body doesn't co operate my body doesn't move , I feel like I can't breath , the beeping gets to much , life gets to much.

I chuck my head back in frustration causing Ethan to flinch at my sudden movement, I turn my head and face him.

Ethan's PoV
She hasn't spoke since she woke up , she was on deaths door , but she found the strength to turn around , she needs to know why I am alive. She needs to know that all I did was for her , god I hope she forgives me. I need her in my life. I can't live without her , how could I be so selfish , I now know how she felt when I was the one laying in her hospital bed. I feel so angry at myself for putting Paige in this position. I don't deserve her , but I need her.
She turns to face me , for the first time in two days she looks me dead in the eye.

Paige's PoV
I look him dead in the eyes , he stares at me for a short amount of time , he smiles lightly , I open my mouth to say something but close it again. Ethan looks at me , sorrow takes over his face , his once golden brown coloured eyes are a light shade of brown , dull , almost grey. He looks at my eyes and sighs "your different..." he says trailing of " there's no more fire in your eyes , no more sparks in your touch." He continued a salty tear slowly dripping down his sculptured face.

His recent words anger me I open my mouth , a light croak escapes , I clear my throat "of course I'm different..." I say whispering my words , they release into the air , like warm breath into the frosty air on a winters day. My words linger like a powerful perfume ,Tracing the scent to me. "Of course I'm fucking different!" I repeat , shouting my words at this point. Ethan looks shocked at my sudden outburst who can blame him , I haven't said a word I'm two days now I'm suddenly shouting at him.

"Do you know what I have been through since I fucking met you , how much you fucked up my life completely , how many times I have been hurt physically and mentally , you don't understand , I have even hurt myself , I tried to kill myself , and it's all because of you." He doesn't say a word , hurt is plastered all over his face. I almost feel bad. But I need to do this , not for him , not for them but for me. My face is now heating from the frustration in my veins.