Light of Dawn

Chapter 37 - The Test

"Kowareta Ken." Tai said flatly as she continued to look at me with that oddly unnerving blank stare of hers. "By the request of our Empress, you will undergo my trial. Know that the likelyhood of your life coming to an end within these walls is very real. The number of Shinobi that I have killed isn't something that is discussed within public hearing. But to put it in perspective, of the number of deaths in our region of the world only one in every 10 is because of a Being."

Seriously! I know the Shinobi are good at their jobs but, if what Tai had just said was true that meant that they killed each other way more than the Beings did. Or more specifically, she killed almost as many Shinobi in a single month than all the Beings would in a year! That just wasn't right to me. I remember hearing from Father Matthew once that the Shinobi lost the least amount of fighters to Beings amongst the three factions, but that didn't make sense to me at the time because even back than there were never very many. But if what Tai was saying was true than it'd surely explain why they were such a small faction.

"By the look on your face I assume this comes as a shock to you?" Tai asked still in a monotone fashion. I silently scolded myself for letting my face show my reaction to that news but I just couldn't bring myself to accept that Tai would willingly kill so many of her own people. "Knowing what you know now." She continued. "Do you still wish to go on with this? There is no punishment for opting out, but know you will bare the shame of valuing your own life above those you're meant to protect. As a result you will never be trusted to protect another human's life, nor will you gain that trust again."

Tai narrowed her eyes as she said that last part. Again my expression must've betrayed my feelings because she let out a sigh and looked ready to turn away. But her words before rang in my ears like a mosquito hovering just out of my reach. You will bare the shame of valuing your own life above those you're meant to protect. Those I'm meant to protect? All my life I've risked my life defending strangers who would never know all that I did for them. But half a year ago when I finally failed to protect those closest to me... Images of Father Matthew and Sister Mary flew through my head.

Frozen images of Stark ripping the only mother I'd ever had off the ground before snapping her neck right in front of me. Of the final moments I had with Father Matthew before he went to have his final dual with the Being that he'd once thought of as a brother. He failed them, and upon that realization another face flew into his head. The face of Luis, the old leader of the Wolfhounds who also met his end at the hands of Stark when he attacked them. He failed to convince Luis to run when he knew the vampire would be coming for him and his pack. Three people that he failed none because he was afraid for his own life, but because he just wasn't strong enough to stop it.

Now whole new faces were flying through his head, Eve, Lance, Issac, Rex, Rayne, Will, Abby, his Aunt Carol, the rookie in the church Adrian, even that annoying witch Garret, every single one of them meant something to him. He could walk out now, go home, and continue watching over them all right now and he had a feeling the Shinobi nor the Empress would stop him if he did. But if he did that it'd be because he wanted to live, not because he wanted to protect them but because he wanted to stay alive. He couldn't protect them if he chose to live.

Now an entirely different face appeared in his head...

Stark's face.

That wicked smile that he always wore. Those black and unresponsive eyes that made you feel like you were falling into some deep dark hole if you looked into them. His slicked hair and calm composure, then finally twisting into that murderous expression that he wore the last time he'd seen him. Why am I thinking of him at a time like this? Am I afraid of him? Every time we'd fought Stark had never regarded me as more than a nuisance and had even turned his back on me. There was a distinct difference between the two of us, Stark knew that but I'd never really acknowledged it myself. I knew it but I never really thought about it. Stark was better than I was in every possible way so he never worried about dying. Could I say the same?