Soul Librettos

♬ 41

♬ Forty-one

I wish I was special

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto kaming magkayap ni Clef sa loob ng masikip na kwartong iyon. Basta ang alam ko'y binitawan niya lang ako ng kalmante na ang aking paghinga at wala ng bakas ng luha sa aking mga mata.

I was about to say something to him ng halos mapatalon kami ng may kumatok sa pintuan. My heart beated so fast. Clef became tense too. Maybe he's also bothered that someone might see us here together!

The door slowly opened pero halos magpakawala kami ng buntong-hininga ng makita ang bulto ni Dwaine duon.

"Dude... " he muttered to Clef with wild eyes before looking at me, "Ayos ka lang, Ferm?"

Halos kumirot ang aking puso dahil sa lambing ng kanyang boses. These are one of those moments I've got to hear his worried voice, madalas ay mapaglaro iyon but this time, it feels like he's also scared for us. Takot rin siya sa pwedeng kahantungan naming dalawa dahil sa mga pangit na nangyayari sa paligid.

Kahit hindi sigurado ay tumango ako sa kanya. He looked at me like he doesn't believed me at all but in the end, he just heaved a deep sigh.

"Alright" bulong niya bago sulyapan si Clef, "I'm giving you both five minutes. Dadating na ang mga guards anytime" aniya bago tumango sa akin at iwan kaming muli magisa sa kwarto.

Guards? What's with the guards and their time? Bakit limitado lang ang oras nila?

Hindi pa ako nakakarecover sa sinabi ni Dwaine ay naramdaman ko na ang paghawak ni Clef sa aking balikat para muling bumalik sa kanya ang aking atensyon.

"I don't have much time. I need to go now"

Suminghap ako, "What's happening Clef? What are those guards for?"

I saw his jaw moved like he is controlling his anger, "Those are from the RnE, Ferm" tikhim niya bago ako mariing pagmasdan, "They doubled our security because of the paparazzi and fans. We are also not allowed to talk to anyone unless they are family members"

Halos manlaglag ang aking panga dahil sa narinig. Pakiramdam ko'y may kamaong sumuntok sa aking dibdib dahil sa nalaman. So does it mean I am also not allowed to talk to him?

Kitang-kita ko ang paghilamos ni Clef sa kanyang mukha bago ako problemadong tinignan, "I will find way to talk to you, Ferm. Don't worry about this, okay?" aniya bago muling hawakan ang aking balikat.

Now I can't even looked at him straight dahil sa mga luhang nagbabadya nanamang pumatak sa aking labi. Narinig ko ang pagmumura niya bago ako muling hilahin para mayakap muli ng mahigpit.

His arm enveloped around mine that it almost suffocated me pero hindi ako nagreklamo because I am afraid that this would be the last time na magagawa niya iyon sa akin knowing that there will be guards that will always follow him.

Paano kung hindi kami magkita? Can he text me? Is he also allowed to use phones? Kaya ba wala siya kanina sa backstage at hindi siya makapagtext sa akin?

Narinig ko ang pagsinghap niya kasabay ng pagbaon niya ng kanyang mukha sa aking leeg, "I love you, Ferm" paos niyang sabi na nakapagpatigil ng tibok ng aking puso, "I love you so much"

I don't know if it was the best time to say that he loves me. I don't even know if there is a best time to say those three words pero pakiramdam ko'y nagkagulo ang mga insekto sa aking tiyan dahil sa narinig. My heart beated slow and deep until it raced so hard that it almost crumpled my whole system.