Chapter 20

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The summer before sixth year was the slowest out of all of them by far. Right after the marauders left on the last day of classes, you automatically felt alone. And even though it was summer, hotter than ever, it felt so cold without them. Without him. Without Remus. God, you missed him so much. As soon as he left your smile immediately  disappeared. And as the summer droned on, your feelings for him only strengthened. God it felt like years when it was only a few months. Whenever you weren't studying or preparing for next year, you were thinking about Remus and thinking about your reunion and how happy you will be. You found yourself almost fantasizing about him and seeing him again. It seemed like that day would never come. It seemed like happiness was always just out of reach. But besides the heart ache, you found a way to pass the time. It may have not been the most effective way but it helped. Instead o fantasizing about your beloved Remus, you went on long walks. Not as yourself but as your wolf counter part. It was always a rush whenever you were a wolf. Running through the woods, feeling the wind through your fur. It was the second best feeling in the world. The first being any time spent with Remus. 

It was the day before everybody came back. The day before Remus came back. You were so filled with excitement you could hardly stand still. You woke up at the crack of dawn and got dressed in your favourite clothes, one of Remus' jumpers that he left behind and your favourite pair of black leggings. You fixed your hair into (choice of hair style) and headed out of the common room. On your way down you saw the headmaster, he stopped you and smiled.

"Hello ____!" He said.

"Morning Professor Dumbledore." You reply.

"Lovely morning isn't it?" He asks politely. 

"Yes, let's just hope its like this tomorrow." You respond.

"Yes let's hope. I will see you soon, good day ____." He says and continues down the corridor. 

Once you reach your favourite path to walk, you decide not to be a wolf and continue in your human form. Its such a peaceful morning, you think to yourself as you listen to the birds chirp. You walk for what felt like hours until you are sure you have walked the perimeter of the school several times. You walk back up to the school and enjoy the last few moments of calm before the storm. Before the storm of students which throws you back into your routine. As you clean up for the night and fall into bed, you think of the wonderful reunion that awaits you tomorrow when you see the love of your life again. You get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about him. as you close your eyes dreaming of the day to come, one thought pops into your head. What about Sirius? He hasn't been much of a boyfriend lately and you are almost certain that he couldn't care less about you. But then Remus comes into the picture. When he finds out about your feelings for his best friend, Remus out of all them, he is going to flip his shit. He will either come after you or go after Remus. How could you do this? How is it that you only realize now that you have put the one person you truly love in danger. Why didn't you think of that before. Damnit ____. You fall asleep, tossing and turning and dreading your boyfriends return. 

You wake up, drenched in sweat, probably from dreaming of what Sirius will do to Remus. You dress yourself and wash your face and prepare for either the best day of your life or the worst. You slowly walk down to the station and await the train. When it finally arrives, your heart drops and your hands begin to shake. The train stops and the hundreds of students all unload. After it seems like every student in the school has left the train, your party finally emerges. First Peter, the James and to your surprise Lily, who seems to have James' arm around her. You give petter. quick hug and same with James. Mid-hug you whisper in his ear; good job bud. He smiles as you both release and as he says his reply you zone out because low and behold there he is. The boy who you've waited your entire summer to see. You run into Remus' arms forcing him to drop all his bags. He picks you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. He spins you around and whispers ever s quietly; I missed you so fucking much. You reply; I missed you too Moons, before he puts you down and picks up the remainder of his bags. You smile as you look at him and watch as his usual insecure nerdy smile becomes the biggest and brightest smile you've ever seen. He's smiling ear to ear and its the best thing ever. You laugh a little before your attention is dragged away by him. The other boy, the one you've been dreading seeing since the moment he left. You feel your jaw drop as your eyes just to the new sight. Instead of his usual shoulder length jet black hair, its now just past the base of his neck and instead of his usual leather jacket he is wearing a black button down shirt that is unbuttoned down to his middle. He has a cigarette in his mouth and a few new rings on his hands. Instead of quietly dismissing you like he normally does, or like you thought he would, he walks up to you, raises an eye brow and opens his arms. 

"What, didn't you miss your boyfriend?" He says, cheerfully. 

"Of course I did." You say, still trying to figure out what the hell is going on here. He wraps you up in his arms and you do the same. He lets you down and you go to catch up with the rest of the group but he hold you close and kisses you. For the first time in a while you remember what it was like to date the real Sirius. Why you started dating him in the first place. This is the Sirius that you fell in love with. You kiss him back and you feel him relax, like he was scared you would reject him. When he finally pulls away, you smile kindly and watch as he laces your fingers together and puts an arm around your shoulder. You turn around and see a very confused group. Pater and James have the exact same expression on their face, a mix of surprise, fear, confusion, and astonishment. Lily looked terrified, you told her about your relationship last year and how down hill it went and she was clearly in the midst of remembering everything you told her. And Remus, oh poor Remus. You can't imagine what he is going through. He looks so sad. He has the same expression on as the others but you can see in his eyes that you just tore him apart, again. 

"Well then," Peter says, breaking the silence, "How were all of your summers?" And James dives into his adventure filled summer while you are held close by Sirius the whole way back. He starts talking to you, like actually talking to you and its like the Sirius you loved broke through the dick-Sirius that you had been dating for a year. It was nice, you felt some feeling start to rush back but you push them away, for Remus' sake. Before you make any decisions you should make sure this is the Sirius that will stay and you should explain to Remus what happened before you go breaking anyones heart. You occasionally glance at Remus and try to explain to him with your eyes what s happening, but you give up on the third try because he is obviously to hurt to understand. As the day comes to an end, you find yourself at a crossroads with your feelings. You don't even bother trying to talk to Lily before bed, you need time to process what the fuck just happened and how you are going to continue. You fall asleep terrified and confused, thinking of all the possibilities that could come from this situation.


~AUTHOR'S NOTE~

~hey guys! I'm so sorry I haven't uploaded in so long, I've been so busy. School started and then riding got ore complicated and I just had huge writers block. I actually debated ending the story at the previous chapter but thank god I didn't right? Anyways I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update this but like I said a mixture of everything that could go wrong went wrong so I couldn't get anything done. I have no idea when I'm going to update again because I have like thirty tests coming up and so many horse shows I can't even count so please forgive me if I can't update for another little while. believe me I really want to update but I just never know what to write so I write whatever is on my mind and then I go to publish it and I decide against it. Anyways thank you loves for reading this book, it means so much to me and I love all of you so much for reading my stuff. Most of this shit is stuff that I come up during class so yeah. thats like the only good thing that comes from school, ideas. but anyway I have an idea of where I want the story to go now so I shouldn't have as much of a problem writing as I did before. if you want to suggest something for the story feel free to comment and I will consider using in the story.so thank you loves for reading and I shall see you all in the next chapter!~


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