Day and Night

Ch. 22 Cough Syrup

*Life's too short to even care at all, oh

I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control, oh oh*

                                                                 -Young the Giant *Cough Syrup*

Chapter 22

I’ve always been able to bring light to any situation. Making jokes of things is just my way of dealing with them, but how could I turn this certain one into a joke? No, it wasn’t possible. With my best coping mechanism stripped away I was at a complete loss of what to do any more.

My dad has been in the mental hospital for weeks now. He’s been getting better. At least that’s what they tell me. How can I really be sure myself when I never even noticed anything was wrong in the first place? Keaton and I have been going to see him every day and he really does seem to be okay. But I just don’t know anything for sure any more.

Legally, Keaton and I can’t live on our own. I’m not eighteen yet and without our dad being around we don‘t have anyone to look after us. So, of course, Mads and James said they would take us in for the time being. This lasted until my fight with Dace. After that it just didn’t feel right to stay there any more and so I went back home and Keaton came with. Us living on our own won’t hurt anyone if they don’t know, so that’s how it’s been. Although, Mads stops by all the time to check on us any way.

Being the unorganized, totally unreliable girl that I am I didn’t think I’d really be all that good at taking care of Keaton and the house, but so far I’ve surprised myself. I’ve been spending practically all my time cleaning the house until it’s sparkling and cooking huge amounts of foods that neither of us even feels like eating. This is all really strange to me considering I’m the girl that hasn’t been able to see her bedroom floor for years because she refuses to clean up all the junk and clothes all over. Also, I’m normally more of a cereal person over anything that actually takes preparation. However, cooking and cleaning helps to make me feel useful. I want Keaton’s life to be as unchanged as possible. And, well, doing all this is a great distraction from what’s going on with my dad and also from Dace.

Saying that Dace and I had a fight isn’t really the right way to phrase it. There was no yelling or even arguing really. There was just a gradual distance forming between us, that I admit is completely my fault. He tried to comfort me about what’s going on, but comfort isn’t what I need right now. Distance is. I need to focus on what’s left of my family before I lose that too and not on a boy that I probably won’t be with in the end anyway. Staying away is the right thing to do right now. It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.

Whenever I run out of distractions and give myself too much time to think, my thoughts always travel back to Dace. I wonder if I’m being stupid, staying away. He definitely thinks so. At first he kept stopping by and calling, but eventually he realized I just need space right now. Deep down I know that this really has nothing to do with him or even with taking care of Keaton. I’m scared. It’s as simple as that. It seems like all the people I care about end up leaving me or dying. First my mom, then Wesley, and now my dad. I can’t lose Dace this way, so I’ll push him away. Because in the end this hurts less.

* * *

Time continues on. Summer comes to an end. By the time school comes around I hardly recognize myself any more. I’ve changed more this summer than I have in my entire life. Gone is the ditzy, sugar-obsessed, fun-loving girl from a few months ago. Smiling has become something I do only out of necessity. I can’t let my true emotions show because, to be honest, these walls I’ve built are the only thing holding me up by this point.