A little bit of wisdom

New Idea

I realized that I can't stop writing this book. I need to. I don't know why, but I know I have to. I just can't do it every day. I noticed sometimes my writing is better after I stop for a few days. so from now on I'll post when I post. I won't try everyday. When I have the insperation to write, I'll write. Simple as that.

At first I started writing because I just had to express how I felt. I'm not good at actually saying it. I just never find the words. but with writing it, I feel like I'm a different person. And I hide behind my stories. I'm a coward. In each story there is always a part of reality, my reality.

A fact someone once told me. Something about a friend of mine. Even just a character that resembles someone in real life. I like to get lost in my stories. In any story. So to make sure I don't fully get lost in it, I have to add part of my reality. So I don't lose myself in the world I create.

I don't even remember reading a book. Honest. It's more like a memory. I can feel what the main character does. Sometimes I even can feel when they're touched. I don't even remember the pages or the words. I just see the whole thing. I see it from my point of view, as if I were the main character.

I know teachers tell you to do that to get a feel for the book. But I think I've taken it to a new level. I can tell you a whole story of a character as if it were my story. Sometimes I even think that I am the character. That my name isn't my real name.

And then I get this funny fear. It's really stupid. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm just pretending to be a character. As if that I'm really just being someone from a book because I've already lost touch with reality. Maybe I have.

It's hard to come to terms with that. That maybe I'm just playing a part. That I left reality already. Every book has a climax, a point of no return. That's how I see it. Once they get to the climax, nothing will be the same from that point on. Anyway, it's just a silly book worm fear. But I'm not a book worm, I'm way too into books to just be a book worm.

If you ever read my books, you'll probably notice something about all of them. Something i just noticed. They all have-or most, have something to do with losing a parent or both parents. I've gone through my stories and it's like a slap to the face.

I think I'm that transpartent. No, I personally have never lost either of my parents. But I feel I have. Sometimes I get shocked by their presence. It's sad. And one of my friends noticed that in one of my books. He only read one of them I think.

I still don't get why. He noticed something about losing a mother. And until that point, I had no idea what I was doing. After that I started to carefully reread what I wrote. Tha's when the slap came. My stories had that common thing. Losing a parent or both parents.

I used to write stories with the main character had both parents. But I would get so lost in the story. I had a hard time remembering who I was. Sometimes after working on one story, I'd speak like the main character. If she had a British accent, I'd speak in one. If she was a southern belle, so was I.

I started to get scared, it was getting harder to come outof those stories and daydreams. I needed something more that just a small fact about my life to remind me of my real life. I needed something bigger. I started with the characters resembling people I knew. And it worked...for awhile.

I needed something bigger still. I made the names similar to people I knew. It worked for awhile too. But again, I needed something more. I didn't know what else to do. I wrote my first story with the main character not having one of her parents. I never posted that story. In that one the main character, her name was Liza, didn't have a father. Back then I was a mommy's girl....well sometimes. I switched from mommy to daddy and back and forth. I was good at being there for both.