A little bit of wisdom

Fear and Secrets

Everyone knows fear. Everyone has a phobia. Whether it be something silly or serious. Whether it be a little fear or a lot of fear. I am no exception. No one is. Though I'm not asking you scream your fears to the heaves.

Because, let's be honest here, that's just stupid. I mean anyone can her that and use it against you. Fear is like a secret. You don't want it to get out. you don't want people to know about it. Sometimes the secret is about you or someone you love or are close too.

last year there was a rumor going around that I was dating one of my guy friends. To be honest, it didn't annoy me that they thought it. It annoyed me that they brought it up every chance they got. It annoyed the hell out of me. All I would hear was if we were dating yet. Funny thing though, they never asked him.

I never thought I'd smile at these memories. But as I type and remember, I can't help but smile. It's not like I enjoy these memories, in fact last year was probably the worst year of my entire life. But it's just funny. How people try to make things more than they really are and because it wasn't the first time people thought I was dating a friend of mine. But that's another story for another day.

Anyway, people just couldn't get it through their heads that we weren't dating. No matter how many times I said, or he said so. It got to a point where I just didn't want to go to school. In fact I'd want to do everything so I didn't have to go. But I always did. I am a nerd, so I don't ditch or miss a day when I don't have to.

I hate going to the nurse too. Ask my friends, I hate going to her in fear of being sent home. Yeah, I'm that kind of nerd. Gotta love my dedication, right?

Anyway, back to my story. Where was I? Oh yes, the rumor. Funny little fact, my friend didn't know it was gong on until awhile after it started. So I just felt so special. They only picked on me, an honor really. Note the sarcasm.

Every day for a few months they tormented me with no end. I still don't get it, why can't a girl have a guy friend? And how come whenever a girl and boy are hanging out everyone assumes they're dating? It's silly. Focus, back to the story. Anyway after awhile it died down and I thought it was over. Wrong, it came back to bite me in the butt. Because life just loves me. Again, note the sarcasm.

We started reading a book: Stargirl(by Jerry Spinelli). Truly I liked the book, the sequel was...it wasn't as good as the first, but still pretty good. But I hated when we were reading it. Again, good book, but it just made things worse with the rumor. People started to say that I was Stargirl from the book.

Small things, like I play a string instrument. I had a pet rodent(I have a guinea pig) and just how I act. How I don't care what people think of me, but still care about them. How I would never hurt anyone, physically or emotionally. How I'm not afraid to be who I am.

Funny little side story, I was a leprechaun for Halloween this year(yes, I still dress up for Halloween. Got a problem with that?) and I thought it would be fun to hide candy everywhere. Just to be nice. So I brought a purse with candy in it and at the end or beginning(sometimes even during) the period I would put a candy here and there. At first people were surprised that I was just throwing candy around. But I am who I am. Then they would look around whenever I got up. It was so much fun.

I do that a lot, like on Valentine's Day I brought in valentines for everyone in my science class. I gave one to all my teachers of course, but I noticed that people my age don't bring in valentines anymore. And that is a shame, it's so much fun giving them out. Everyone was so happy and thankful I brought it in. My science teacher thought it was sweet of me. I don't know why, but I like giving more than receiving.

Just another reason why they thought I was Stargirl. At first it was a little nice to have them think I was Stargirl, but that was only for a day or two. It got annoying fast. Soon people started asking who my 'Leo' was.(I am sorry if you have no idea what I'm talking about and I'm gonna be a bit of a spoiler, but Leo is Stargril's love interest in the book. SORRY!) First people said it was my guy friend, like I knew they would, they're so obvious.