A little bit of wisdom

Best Friends

If people truly care about you why do they hurt you? Why do friends turn their backs on you? Why is it that when you need someone most, no one is there? How are we suppose to feel like we matter if we believe there is no one there for us in our time of need?

I am always the person people turn to when they need help. When they're mad, when they want to talk, when they just have to have someone around for them. They know I'm always there. They know I'm always around for them to turn too.

So when I need to turn to someone, who do I go to? Why is it so hard sometimes? I know that life isn't easy and I don't except it to be. But why does it have to be so hard sometimes? I know it's hard because I feel like my life is a living hell hole sometimes(sorry for the language). I miss when things we're easy.

My friends think I'm impossible sometimes. And they're probably right.

I remember I would always cry around one of my friends. He was the best. He's ask me what was wrong, and I'd smile sadly and say nothing. He never believed me. So he'd sit next to me and say: "_________(that's my name, but I'm not telling it to you), I've known you long enough to know when you're lying. And you are lying to me right now and it's clear as day. You're upset and my best friend, and I want to make you feel better. So tell me, what's wrong?"

I'd sigh and start with a horrible story of how this one kid would pick on me, I'd tell him how I felt I wasn't smart or pretty enough for everyone, I told him I was scared. I told him everything.

I remember he got so tired of me saying I wasn't smart he'd yell at me that I was stupid for saying I wasn't smart. I'd smile at him, I'm smiling now. As I write this, remembering him. One day he was so fed up with it he said: "Okay ___________, what will it take for you to believe you're smart?" So I told him. And from that day whenever I was around him I would believe I was smart. I never thought I would, but he found a way.

When I told him  I thought I was ugly he stared at me really hard. I got tired of it and snapped at him. He put his hands up in defense and say: "I was just trying to see how people could mistake you as ugly. They must be blind."

I remember him, but I don't know if he remembers me. He moved away when I was 9. He broke my heart and took part of it with him. Everyone has a best friend. I just happen to lose them. I've lost 3 best friends-no 4 in my life. 2 moved away, 1 became very distant and we grew apart, and the onther 1...well she isn't around anymore, lets leave it at that.

I have new best friends, but I still keep the old close to my heart. Best friends aren't things that come and go, they're people that touch your heart. They'll be in your memory forever, whether they remember you or not.

They stand up for you when you're being torn down. sometimes I feel like I don't have a best friend anymore. I feel they all left me. And I'm on my own. It's hard to think they all left me, in this cold, cruel world.

I'm an empath, which means I not only feel my own emotions and pain, but also others. I feel things very strongly and sometimes it's too much for me to handle. And since my best friend left I don't know who I can turn to. He was just there for me. And I was there for him. We told each other everything, and now...I don't know if I can do that again. With anyone.

I know it's hard and sometimes feel alone, but just remember one thing. Somewhere, somebody needs you and loves you. To someone you are important. And if you leave them....they'll be crused.

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Author's Note

Some people out there might be think 'why is this person telling all these random people serious stuff from their past?'. Well there anwser is simple. I don't know. Or care for that matter. I've always been an open book, people just haven't bothered to look at what's inside. This is like my diary, but it's also light years away from it. Everyone tells me that after high school I'm never gonnna see my best friends again. Well I don't want that. I've lost 4 already and I don't want to lose one more.