A little bit of wisdom

Time stands still...

Most authors know how to use it. That one moment when time seems to be broken and you feel like it just...stops. And there are so many reason's why. Usually it's about something unexpected. Whether it's love, a crush, a terrible moment, or something that's just '...wow'.

We know time bends for no man or woman. But yet everyone will have that time at least once. The world stops spinning, your heart is racing, and you feel sick. But you'd give anything to have that moment back. Just remembering makes you feel all...well it's indescribable.

But most author knows it's a great hook for a story. Just the way you descried how everything slows down and then finally stops. How they hold their breath and listen to their frantic heart beating. It's all just so...interesting. You want to read more.(Hint hint, if you're an author who didn't know this.)

Well I'm not going to tell you about my one brief moment with the world on pause. Because, let's face it, that too personal for me to write for everyone to see. I've only told a few friends, 4 at the most. and that's because I know they'll take it to the grave. And they better, that's all I'm saying.

Well back to the pure stillness and the whole world on hold. I can tell you one thing it's magical. Totally unforgettable. And did you know that not all magical moments are good? Well, it's true. But mine was the good magic. The one that brings pure happiness. It's too bad it was ruined by something that was just the worst.

But I will cherish that moment for all that it was. And I will never forget it. If I close my eyes and remember, I can practically see it happening. Right before me again. It's one my favorite memories. I don't have one favorite though.

Those special or horrific moments are...they're just...unbelievable. I've had the bad and the good kind happen to me. And the bad was just so...it was so...shocking and...it just blew my mind. How it could happen so suddenly.

My stomach turned in knots and I felt my heart drop. I've had more than one bad 'magical' moments. One bad one happened a few hours before the good one. And then there are others. I had one recently. Over the summer.

But I won't tell you that one. I will tell you one that happened awhile ago. Maybe if you know it happened long ago-well not that long ago- then maybe you won't leave those 'I-am-SO-sorry' comments. Because I don't want them. They just make the pain worse.

So I went to see my great-uncle, I've never met him before this time. He was kinda like a stranger to me. But right from the start, the first second he saw me, he loves me like a daughter. he was nice, happy, full of energy....it just made what happened seem even worse...

We spent the whole day together, with my family of course. And at the end of the day we left, me with a big smile slapped on my face. I didn't expect to have such a good time. And to be honest, I wanted to have another visit with him.

But then 2 days after my visit, I saw my mother's sorrow filled gaze. The tears that stung in her eyes. And my heart fell, something wasn't right. Something happened. I gulped and walked over to her. Asking what was wrong in a shaky voice. I didn't want the answer. And I wish I didn't ask, I didn't want to hear the words that came out of her mouth.

My great-uncle had passed away from cancer. I knew he had it, but...he was just so...and then...it was to sudden. I saw him DANCING not 3 days ago. It didn't make sense. I heard the 2 out of 3 people survive cancer. And to be honest, he wasn't that old. But he still dies(as have some other family members, but I'm not going there), and I just...I couldn't...I became hollow.

I didn't know what to feel, what to say. Time just stood still. Tears poured from my eyes. I hadn't known him long, but long enough. And just when I had gotten to see him...it wasn't fair. It shouldn't have happened. I was upset and angry and confused. I didn't know what to do. I just cried.

I couldn't take it. It wasn't...it isn't fair. Sometimes, late at night I think of that day. And I silently cry. Not wanting anyone to hear me. And I consider texting or calling someone, but I don't. That wouldn't be fair to my friends. Waking them up in the middle of the night, crying and just saying nothing. They wouldn't know what to do or say. They'd still be half asleep.

And then I cry a little harder. They get peaceful sleep, while I have a living nightmare. Insomnia. Brings beauty and unbearable pain. I feel the beauty isn't worth it. Stick with sleep, trust me. Just go to sleep. Nothing is worth the pain I feel some nights. The bad memories that come back to haunt me. Even that one good, magical moment is bittersweet. It's so special, but it tortures me. Knowing I will probably never have anything like that moment again.

The night, she torments me. And I just wish her to go away. I love the few hours of sleep I get. I wish for more, but am happy that I get a few hours of sleep in. I hope you never get insomnia, you'll never have the joy of sleeping in again. Think about the negatives before you make a decision. The positives might not seem worth it then.

I know this might seem like I'm changing the subject, sorry! Some people think I'm perfect. An angel, some call me. And I want to laugh at that. Me? Perfect? That has got to be a joke. But no, they're dead serious. And that seriously surprises me.

While I believe it's a sweet gesture to make, it's simply not true. I can think of more flaws than I can count. But they don't believe they are real. The only thing they believe is that I'm stubborn. VERY true, by the way.

And it makes me wonder about perfection. If people believe I'm perfect, are they right? Has there ever been a perfect person? These are some things I ponder(this is MY word, MINE! I use all the time. I have claimed it as my own) about at night when I am unable to sleep. Well if I'm not crying.

I have a lot of time to think about things like that. Sometimes I think so much and go into this deep thought about the wonders of the world. And things that people normally don't think about, that I give myself a headache. Maybe that why people say I'm more mature. Because I have all night to think about whatever I want.

People say I have an old soul. That I'm too wise for my young age. But i kinda like that. I can have a deep, intelligent conversation with someone whose older than me and they could be the one to learn something. Or see something in a new way.

That's what makes me happy. Having ideas that other don't. And that they agree with them. That they wonder(only I may ponder, you all wonder. At least in my mind) about things that I say. And it's because I brought it up. That just lifts my mood a little bit. Being able to understand things that other people twice my age might not.

I like the fact that I'm deep and caring. I enjoy being able to think at a higher level of peace. A higher level of the universe. It makes me feel better. And knowing I helped someone else get a little closer to that level...it's one of my joys in life.

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Author's Note

Can I just say that I LOVE this song? Well I just said that. And I do, and I love All American Rejects. They're amazing! I'm thinking about doing an acoustic cover version of this song for my demo. Any thoughts? Because I'd love to hear them!

Thanks for reading as always. Hope you enjoyed a little peek into my mind. And I hope you read more. Until tomorrow.

VioletTears1313

<3 Bye! <3