A little bit of wisdom

Playing The Part

Being controlled. Told what to do, who to hang out with, what to wear, how to act, what to like. Having no say in what to do in your life. And you're just suppose to go along with it. You're just suppose to play the part you were given. It's like a play.

You act like someone you're not and try to convince everyone it's who you are. It's funny how people believe they have a right to tell you how you should be. How you are suppose to be. I've never understood why they thought that is fair.

I know how it is. Being told how I should be, how I'm suppose to be. My parents tell me who i should be friends with, but what they're really saying is don't be friends with them. They tell me what kind of music they think isn't me, translation: only listen to this kind of music. They tell me how I should spend my time, or in other words, do this, this, and this. They give me 'helpful' suggestions, or really, you have to do all of these things.

They suggest I study more even though I'm a straight A student. So what they really mean is your grades aren't high enough. They're always giving me these little 'suggestions'. Always trying to... fix me. Like I'm broken and not working properly.

I want to say it doesn't bother me. That they don't mean that. But I know the truth. They do mean it, they are trying to fix every little mistake I make. And i want to say it doesn't hurt...but that would be a lie.

I'd like to say that I'm perfect the way I am, but in their eyes...I'm not. I can always be better in some way. I wan't to stick up for myself, but I know what happens when I do. it looks like I'm snapping at peole. Like I'm the one being mean.

Like sometimes some of my friends annoy me, and I know it's what friends do, but I feel like they take it too far. Normally people stop after ticking you off once and then it stops. Not with me. It just keeps going on. They keep bringing it up. Keep rubbing it in my face.

One time in math I was working with a group of my friends. And one of them brought something up, then another jumped in. And yeah, I let them get away with it the first time because it's what friends do, they tease. And then they brought it up again.

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist, one friend noticd and brought me back to my work. Letting her, my friend off the hook. But she brought it up again. I stopped, my pencil fell out of my hand and to the table. I was clenching my fists, jaw held tight, and glaring. Again my friend brought me back to math and another told them to stop and drop it.

But she didn't listen. She brought it up AGAIN! And I know it seems silly, but it was a sore subject for me and i really don't like talking about. I couldn't take it any longer. It was either throw my chair across the room or leave to cool off. I considered the first, but went with the later.

Luckily there was a sub that day and let me go. I stormed out of the room glaring at nothing and slammed the door behind me. I could tell i left it awkward in there, but I didn't care. She knew I didn't like that subject, she knew I was getting angry and she knew she should have stopped. I could tell. she just wanted to annoy me. And she seceded. I was EXTREMELY piffed. I didn't even go 5 feet of the classroom.

I just sat outside the door. Glaring, then I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. Lucky for me no one came out of the classroom to see me. And no one from any other class cam out and saw me. It must have been a good sight too.

Me, Miss Perky and Peppy, Miss Happy-go-lucky, sitting on the floor crying. All alone. If anyone saw that...well I would hate to be them. It's best if you just leave me alone when I'm upset(the angry upset, not the sad upset). After a few minutes I decided I should go back in there before someone comes out to get me.