Bitter Blood (BBi)

Chapter 32: When Dreams Are All You Have

Chapter Thirty-two
When Dreams Are All You Have

In the swirling darkness, there are petals.

I no longer feel the pain that I did before. I'm calm and in this comforting void I watch the petals move through the air around me, spinning and twirling like elegant dancers. Each one is a memory, a dream. They float past as if carried by a gentle wind and I reach out to grab one, crushing the dream into my palm.

And in that same wind that they drift through, I am carried away.

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It's the summer of '08 and Avery has been missing for one year to the day.

In the gym, the principal holds an assembly and addresses the topic on everybody's mind. Through out his whole speech about hope and the return of lost loved ones, his eyes keep wandering over to me. In fact, everybody's does. When one student looks away, another teacher replaces them, all their eyes filled with such sickening pity and immoral curiosity.

I don't have anything to tell them. So I keep my eyes trained forward, counting away the seconds to when this will all be over.

Because the simple thing is that she's gone and she isn't coming back.

I just want them all to leave me alone.

A rock is thrown in the heat of the excitement and it hits me hard on the shoulder, the sparking pain awakening me to the teasing going on from the otherside of the street.

I know that if their parents were here, these kids would keep their heads down and ignore me, all their school yard nonsense gone in the presence of an adult.

But out here, on the walk back from school while everybody's parents are at work or waiting at home for them to arrive, they shout insults and they hurl rocks and it's okay because I'm the only one who can hear them.

But I don't retaliate. I ignore the three boys across the street that chant and jump around like a pack of feral monkeys, who ask me why everybody leaves me, who ask me if I'm cursed for the sole purpose of entertaining each other. The questions are the same, only spoken in different words.

Why did your mother run out?

Why did your best friend leave you?

And the answer is always the same.

Because they knew me.

I am younger now and sitting with my legs crossed on a window seat looking out into the mid winter rain. It is a memory that has been long forgotten, pushed to the far corners of my mind.

A brush is being dragged through my dark hair and a lullaby is sung from behind me, the voice only a ghostly echo inside my head.

The woman sings as she sets down the brush and separates my hair into three parts all so that she can carefully weave it back together again to form a perfectly made braid that hangs half way down my back, the end tied with a simple black band.

I watch the rain with a smile on my young face until the woman is finished with my hair and her lullaby has faded away into clear spoken words.

“You know mummy loves you, right?” she asks, her voice soft as she wraps her arms around her baby daughter. “To the moon and back again.”

To the moon and back again.

This time, instead of a memory, there is a nightmare.

It's dark and I'm running all alone in the woods. The tree branches above me are so thick that I can't see the stars and my path ahead becomes increasingly crowded with thick, twisted vines with sharp thorns prodding out of their green flesh. But I try to push my way through anyway because I'm scared and I can't stop running. I duck and swoop and climb but no matter how hard I try, I always end up getting tangled. I struggle but I'm stuck and eventually I'm swallowed by the growing vines, pulled down into the darkness with no one there to save me.

A girl with golden hair like the sun smiles at me, her small hand shooting out to meet mine. Her sky blue eyes twinkle with excitement.

“Hi! My names Avery!” she says, shaking my hand wildly up and down.

For the first time in a long time, I smile.

The next memory comes to me in unexpected detail even though it's been tucked away for many years, left in the blur of my childhood and other experiences that I've piled on top of it.

In my mind, the house I call home is fresher, brighter, newer than it is in present times. It's night out and my father is asleep in bed. I should be to, but a noise from downstairs I heard only a moment ago managed to rouse me out of my deep slumber.

I slip out of my blankets and walk towards the bright hallway light, my hand coming to rest on the staircase railing.

The top stair creaks when I step on it. Down below, mum whips around and spots me at the top, her worried face softening when she sees me.

"What are you doing up, sweetie?" She asks, abandoning what she's doing in the lounge room to walk up the staircase to meet me. I stretch my arms up and she grabs me, lifting me up to cuddle me on the side of her hip. "You should be in bed." she says.

"I heard a noise." I say, then peak over her shoulder at the lounge. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, sweetheart." She says and carries me back down the hall, taking the bag sitting on the cushions out of my sight. She takes me to my room and tucks me in under the covers. She sits down beside me and smiles softly, reaching forward to brush my brown hair out of my eyes.

"You know how much I love you, don't you Parker?" she asks.

My head bobs up and down and I give her a tired smile. She leans over me and flicks out my lamplight then leans down to kiss my forehead. "Sweet dreams."

I close my eyes for a moment and then open them again when she reaches the doorway. She's facing away from me, looking into the hall or down at the floor, I can't tell. She takes a deep breath, walks out and closes the door behind her.

She doesn't look back.

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To the side is a playlist I made for the Werewolves of Westershade. It's not actually on 8tracks because I haven't been bothered to get an account yet but I might upload it sometime in the future. You can of course look the songs up on youtube in the mean time.
Animals by Creep is actually a remix by Alpines.