Believe: A Billionaire Romance

Chapter 37 PIECE BY PIECE

Rumes' POV
My fingers crawled through the million pages of her journals. Every last detail, every last feeling she had, things she buried deep inside of her, were all in front of me.

She had made herself vulnerable by giving me herself.

And piece by piece, I was uncovering the truth.

***
I am not strong enough. I am weak. I hate myself. I hate myself so much.

He was sitting there, right there, and I couldn't... I couldn't.  I couldn't even look at him. I felt too dirty... Too disgusted. Every negative emotion I have ever had was on it's extreme.

I am not even sure who I am right now. Not my social identity, who am I from the inside. Who am I?

I suppose words can't equal the chaos in my head right now. These words I am writing right now, they are screaming inside my head. I am not even sure what am I writing. It's like trying to describe colours in sentences, without even really knowing what they look like.

I have been guilty for a lot of things, but I have never been guiltier than today. But Jay deserved better, didn't he? He deserved better than someone so broken. I couldn't have coped with seeing him in despair just because of me. Day in and day out.

And if I have to be perfectly honest, I don't think I could've faced rejection by him. But I ended up doing the same to him, didn't I?

I want to talk about this so badly, I am dying on the inside, but my mouth- it's betraying me.

I am killing myself. I am slowly poisoning everything I am, and it's all my fault.

And he is not here to help me with it.
***
I turned to the clock, just after finishing the last page- 5 a.m. I had never felt more awake and more needing to sleep than now.

And if I slept, I didn't know what I would be like. It's like she took it off her and dropped the chaos into me. But mine doesn't even compare to hers.

I was stacking it all up together, when a sheet of paper fell out. Confused, I looked at the date- Yesterday's.

Hey Rumes. I don't know what you are thinking, but if you think... If you want... Just forgive me please.

I have never had a family, and just one person to really love, and even if you are going to walk away, I don't think I can ever let you out of my heart.

I don't think I can ever love anyone more. And, I also don't think it would ever pain me this much. Or the other person. I don't even have my head sorted out.

What am I trying to say to you? Perhaps you would know better than I would.

Because I never do, you know?

But- I know this-

You were the best thing to ever happen to me. Even in my darkest times, you were my light. And I can never thank you enough for that. And I can never stop loving you.

So here it is then, Rumes. I guess our story ends right here. This was not how I wanted it to- but some things never do work out. But for some reason, in my head, even after all this, we made sense. But a lot of things, even after all the sense in the world, never really happen.

And it's a sad thing, but we were beautiful while we were, and however small, however painful, it never stopped being wonderful.

A certain somebody

"Luke, make sure my car is ready. Yes, right now."
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Annnddd- it's ending guys. I am so sad. :(
But like their story, this story has to end too.
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