Believe: A Billionaire Romance

Chapter-22 LOVING CAN HURT

Cassy's POV
We were sitting in the hospital cafeteria.

Emily was playing with her coffee. I hadn't touched mine.

"What happened to the guy?"

I looked at her, twisted the one ring I wore on my finger, that belonged to my mother. "I felt...not worthy. You know what I mean? It was like suddenly I just shouldn't be with anybody. Especially with Jay. He was such a sweet guy. Intense, good, exactly what I wanted. He seemed to be perfect for me. He seemed to be perfect. Full stop. And, here I was, a worthless, dirty soul. Broken. He deserved better."

"Don't say that, Cassy. It's not your fault that it happened."

"Yes, but I didn't know...didn't understand it at that time. I never told anybody." I added quietly.

Emily's eyes widened. "Not even the police?" I shook my head. "Hospital authorities? Family? Anybody?"

I shook my head.

"I can't believe that." Emily whispered. "How did you manage... I mean it takes a lot to deal with something like that on your own."

I shrugged.

"What did you do?"

I knew she was talking about Jay.

"I did go to the coffee shop. But, I didn't meet him. Instead, I sent him a note. It said that I was playing with him all the time. And, you need to understand, Emily, it broke me to do that. But, I felt like that's the only way to let go.

"I tried to find him again, you know. I wanted to apologize. Even if I might have had no chance, I needed to know that he was happy. I needed to see him. I wanted him to know that I had loved him, even he couldn't anymore.

"But there were no traces of Jay Clarkson anywhere in the city of New York, Chicago, or San Diego. He had once told me that he belonged to one of the three cities. It was a game. But he was nowhere. And, I thought that perhaps I deserve it. He must be happy. Why should I destroy it?"

"And, now you think you have found him?" Emily asked softly. I nodded.

Emily sighed. "I can only tell what happened with Rumes. I don't know about the how or why. But Rumes did go through a big heartbreak 2 years ago. It fits too much with your past."

That's exactly what I was pining to hear and didn't want to hear at all. But, I needed a confirmation.

"What happened?" I asked.

"He went completely off the grid. Didn't meet anybody for 2 months. We didn't know where he was. No messages. No contact. We thought he died or something." She gave a humorless laugh. "He returned. His hair was bleached. We could see he had been drinking a lot. Said he didn't trust anybody anymore. Changed himself completely. Told everybody to call him by his middle name- Rumes. Even his father complied. Everybody knew he had gone to meet a girl. Everyone knew that something really bad happened."

"He loved her with all her heart, you know. But, loving can hurt sometimes." She closed her eyes. "Deep inside your soul."

"How are you going to know if Rumes and your Jay are the same person?"

I didn't look at her. "I know it already."

"Do you love him?"

"Enough to question my relationship with him."

Her eyes opened. "You're with Jason, Cassy." Her eyes turned incredulous. "Are you keeping him as a backup option?"

"NO!"

Her eyes turned sad. "Don't do this to them, Cassy. Both of them. Please." Her voice cracked.

I nodded. I got up, leaving my untouched coffee. "Thank you, Emily. Thank you." I couldn't express my gratitude enough.

"Welcome." A whisper came like autumn leaves.

Rumes' POV
A picture can say a thousand words. I was looking at an old family photo, in which I still had my old brown hair, Emily still smiled, Mom was alive. Everything was good. Then nothing was.

And a girl came into my life, like a ray of hope. Making me believe that everything could be good again. That nobody can fill up gaps left by people, but they can give you their share of love.

I don't know how did we fall in love. Silence was all it was. We didn't know each other. Knowing favorite colors and food is not included. But it was like I could sense the person behind the words. The emotions. The rawness, the truth behind what she was. Like life didn't seem to be a big joke.

She didn't know how much I loved her. I could have left everything for her.

But it all turned out to be a big joke. I became the joke.

And people ask why I couldn't trust anyone. Because when you trust somebody that deeply and all they leave is a broken heart, then rebuilding takes time. Your heart becomes a cage. Nothing escapes. Not love, not trust.

I found myself stronger that way. But, is that what being strong really even means?

I wish somebody could tell me. I wish that the truth was in front of me. That I didn't have to dig deep for it every time.

That it stayed away. Or became a part of me.

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I know that it wasn't long at all. But I am seriously not used to writing long chapters. I will try of course.
Thank you for reading this story.
It means a lot to me.
K R Y S T L E