6.6 - Semi-Finals. The Show, Part 1

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For the third time, I get to perform in a dress. And for the third time, as the semi-goth chick I always considered myself, I have to make an exception, because the dress is gorgeous. And it's not just that, it finally feels comfortable. If previously I had outfits that were either too tight or too big, this one - if I didn't carry a crutch with me all the time, could even dance in it!
I get to wear some nice dark smoky eyes as well, and the face I see in the mirror seems strange. I gave up makeup completely these days and I seem to have forgotten how I look like with my armour.
As if the show wants me to get back to my old self once again.

I share my thoughts with Mika before the show, who's indeed all shiny with his Zuhair Murad suit and his big smile, as always. He seems content and calm for the show if this importance, and I ask why.
- This is the scenario I really wanted to happen, - he explains, as we are killing time before the live walking around the set, - You two were my favorites since the Knockouts: so young, talented, but most of all, pure. It's all like a big adventure to you, and I really didn't want you to lose that innocence.
- As you say. I'm still wondering, though, what in the world did you find in me, - I have to confess, - I just can't see it. I understand Gaspard, he's weird sometimes, but his voice is unique, but...
- Oh, yeah. I promised you an answer once, didn't I, - Mika nods, - Well, you want to hear it now?
- Not sure we'll have another chance.
- Ok.
For a second he looks at me, collecting words.
- It took me some time to realize. And in the end, I came to conclusion that it's because I see myself in you, - he replies finally, - We have a lot more in common than you might think. I believe we are that kind of people who are supposed to be in the center of everything. It's normal for us. We have some differences, sure. You say you like being alone, and it's fine. You hide your feelings, okay, I can understand it. But being loved and adored is your natural state, I see it in the way you changed since our first meeting. Confess yourself, you didn't come just to see me or because you lost in a drinking game. You were craving for attention.
- Why do you think so? - I shrug, and by his smile I understand that he knows he's right.
- I just know it, because... Well, let me guess, you think you're a grown up person, free from insecurities and knowing your true value. But still, you have a feeling that you're wrong, defected, a part of the other engine, and you can't seem to find your place, am I right?
- Not now, - I reply, - I used to, but not now.
- That's what I thought. Because you've finally found yourself. Or, to be exact, admitted the truth you denied.

I remember all those years of dropping in and out of college, years that I wasted. Just how lost was I that my karma had to do something this extraordinary to put me on the right track?!

- How in the world do you know it? - I ask then.
- I was just like you, - Mika goes on, and, as the staff tells us to go backstage, slowly walk back, - Well, at some point. Through trial and error, I discovered that silence and isolation won't help. You, me - we need attention. Not absolute adoration, though, just an ear to listen and an eye to watch, but with genuine interest and acceptance.
Stage is our salvation. It's the only place where we can do whatever we want, be whoever we want, and what's most important - be ourselves and not afraid to be judged.
You're just like me, Alice, and, well... There's a walking example of just how far you can go.
He laughs softly, letting go of my hand and rising up to his chair.
- Now let's work, - he says at last, - I know it will be hard, it always is. But don't think about what happens next. Just enjoy the show. This is your time.
And as always, he's right.
- Let's do this.

***

It's interesting to see how singers seem to look mostly on one person:
Flori quietly waves at me from the stage, and her sight absently wanders on me the whole way through. I remember someone telling her that she sounded too dramatic. Well, seems like Garou helped her turn it into her strongest side, and look - she gets to be his top pick for the team!

Karen, on the other hand, is focused on someone in the audience, and I see that it's someone important, for she seems genuinely happy. The audience saw that too - and chose her to perform for the last time next Saturday.
Afterwards she actually brings that special person with her to the green room - it's a tall dark-haired young man, just as fairy-talish as her. Her partner, bandmate and a good friend, Karen introduced him to her colleagues, and added - it's nice to have someone by your side when you're fighting for your dreams. A partner through thick and thin, the most precious kind.

Speaking of partners.

Gaspard comes first this time, and...
Well, if Mika had trouble finding me a good song, he never doubted Wizard's repertoire - it's always something intense that just seems to bring out his confidence. It's Rag'n'Bone Man's Human for this night, and indeed, he hits the spot. He never lost his magic, that's for sure.

I already walk to the stage when he catches me, one hand behind his back.
- I'll be quick, - he says more to the staff than me, and I notice some people around us smiling, having seen what he's holding. He pulls it out a second after, though, and I can't help grinning too - it's a walking cane, simple but pretty stylish, all in black, with little gemstones in the knob. Classy, just like I requested.
- Whatever happens, - Gaspard says as I swap my crutch with his gift, and he gives me a final hug before I walk onstage.

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