Me+You Do the Math✔️

Ch.32 *Lost Him*

Two things topped my list of things that I shouldn't have done but did. It's only ten in the morning, pull yourself together Ella. 

For one, I stayed rooted to the ground unable to speak, unable to do anything. I just stared into Ty's deep eyes. He seemed quieter than normal.

The second thing I did was I when I finally regained my senses, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the kitchen through the back door. 

We stood on the back porch for what seemed like forever. I searched my mind for a conversation starter, but came up with none.

Ty breathed out, "Ella." 

I shook my head and leaned up against the cold cabin. "Listen, I'm sorry." I caught him frown the slightest bit. 

"You weren't sick were you?" 

Admitting felt like I was weak. Lying felt like I was being untrustworthy and just a terrible person. Either way, I was a disappointment. 

I felt him studying me from the side. His eyes felt like they were burning holes right through my facade. My gaze was dropped to the ground, to my feet, to the trees, the skyline- Anything, to stop me from looking at him. 

"No." I blurted out. Wincing, my face contorted up. 

"You no good, lying, bitch. You don't deserve him." 

"Shut up!" I yelled. 

Ty jumped back, startled. "I-I didn't say anything..." 

I looked up to meet his eyes, "No- not you, it's just-" I shook my head and tried to walk away from him the fastest I could. He caught up with me before I even go off the porch. His hand met my elbow and turned me around. 

He lifted a hand to my face, as if to brush away a stray hair, but stopped midair and put it down like he thought better of it. 

I lost him.

That's all I could think about, I lost it, the only constant in my life and I just let him go. I fucking lost him! 

I shook my head as he looked at me, "Don't-"

He cocked his head to the side slightly. Where were his words when you need them?

"What are you talking about Ella?"

"Don't get close to me. Stop it!" I took in a deep breath and wiped my eyes. "Save yourself and get as far away from me as you can."

"Don't." he demanded but I kept going.

"You don't want to kiss me, you don't want to fall in love with me. I'm-"

He cut me off and demanded me to stop again. 

I smiled sadistically, "Why would you want a sad, little-broken girl? Ty I"m not cut out for this-" He stopped me from saying another word with his lips. 

I reacted without a thought. Both of my arms reached up to hold his neck. I steadied myself and kissed back despite the vulgar insults of the voice in my head. His lips were hot as they moved with mine hungrily. His hands dropped to my waist and pulled me closer. 

Warning bells were going off in my head but I disregarded them without a second thought. All I wanted was him- no distractions. 

We kissed and kissed until I could no longer feel my numb lips. But it was worth it. 

I broke away and tried to back up, but hit the wall. It was cold and honestly shocking. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it. He was just going to shut down anything I would say anyways.