In Cloudy Waters (Ereri/Riren)✔️

.Deafening Silence.

Chapter Created By: RakaiaNovelette

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"It was the nothing that I loved to hear so much."

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Back and forth, back and forth.

I kept a safe eight-foot circumference as I tore my hair out of my head. It wasn't a metaphor, dragging my nails in a wild array of movements, I tried not to pull out too many hairs as I silently cursed to myself.

"What the hell am I doing?" I screamed out loud.

I didn't feel like myself, that was for sure. There was a time when I was about nine years old and my mother and father took me to the beach along the coast of San Diego.

I didn't remember much of it except that there seemed to be just the three of us for miles. And then when I went under the water, it was just me.

They lost me for a while, and I never knew how I'd gotten swept away so far. When I came back up to the surface, and looked straight ahead. All I could remember was the largeness of the ocean. It all looked so pointless to me, even after I had begged them to take me.

It was all I had wanted for weeks before they caved, but once it was just me and the waters, I'd taken it so much further. I never even looked for them.

Could it have been that I was just so natural by myself? I mean, it took me this long to keep the few friends that I have. It didn't take me as long as I thought it would to get past my mother's death.

My dad was never here, but I could get by. He didn't really produce anything valuable to our relationship anymore. We didn't share anything in common. He wanted me to be in sports I think. You would think that for a doctor, he'd be forcing me into medicine with all the control he had over me.

But he was a real sports fanatic. I sort of drifted off from the subject recently.

And then, of course, there was the boy I couldn't stop thinking about. Perhaps it was the fact that I wanted to be somebody different to him. He wasn't taken with much acceptance into this school, as far as I'd heard.

When I came back a few years ago, and even lasting as long as it did, was the same situation going for me. Yet we treated each other the same. Neither of us cared about those things.

Levi seemed to think that him supposedly hating himself was going to be disastrous for me. I had no idea where he got that notion from. I knew what it was like to resent something about yourself.

I found myself lying on my bed with no intention of sleeping. My eyes were closed; what would be the point of keeping them open?

'You should just wear glasses so nobody sees you staring blankly at them.'

'You shouldn't go in there. You won't really have anything to talk to anyone about...'

Seriously?

When did I become a disease? I thought Levi at least understood that. And now... who would? If the only person who understood me gave up on me, what would be left for me?