I Should Have Known Better (Sequel to That Boy)

Chapter 10

My Paul is so sad, it makes me sad but it makes for a good story. And things will get better.....eventually....

Oh, and this chapter is awesome, well the end is anyway. 

Enjoy!!

Chapter 10: A Kiss from Karma 

I don't really believe in anything OK? But maybe I messed up somewhere along the line and now I'm paying for it. Every day I crawl on, things get worse and worse. I just don't understand. Some of it's my fault but some wasn't supposed to happen, yet it did.  

Sadly enough. 

It was a few days after being sung to about my love life and how I should be with Paul, instead of Ringo. I didn't enjoy thinking about it, but I did. I felt bad for him, It must of been devastating for him. I hoped it didn't kill him, that's all. 

Well, I would probably get a call if he was dead, so he's not, or at least, not on the outside. I should do something about that, but I don't want to. I got my own damn problems right now. Sorry Paul, you'll have to wait.

So, I sat in my car after being at the hospital for most of the day, just outside of my small apartment. It was around 10 at night, the sky was dark and moody, like me at that time. 

I put my head on the steering wheel, and let the hot tears start to run down my face with speed. I felt like throwing up, sobbing loudly, and screaming at  the world. The tears on my face burned as they scratched my skin. The rest of my skin was freezing because of the cold air that breathed with me in that stupid car. 

I would of thrown up if it wasn't for that fact that people kept walking by and probably would of stared at me. Well, I already felt like they were staring at me, thinking What did she do wrong? She's such a little bitch, why doesn't she just let it be? and etc. etc. 

So what could be so bad that I feel like extreme shit? What happened this time you know? And simply put, well how simply you could say it.

He died.

And you already know that Paul isn't dead (A.N. talk to me, dead man XD), I have that explained quiet well I would hope. 

But the person I've never met, and actually never got to see the light of day ever in his life. It was a sad existence but a true one.

The baby. 

The child hadn't moved in a good while but I didn't worry. I went to the doctor earlier and they checked the baby and thought something was wrong. So they put me into a simple surgery and realized the baby was dead, so they took him out. And yes it was a boy. 

A boy that was supposed to have hazel eyes.

It hurt to know that the child I was actually kind of looking forward to was dead, gone forever for some reason that I would truly never understand. But it was also quite painful to realize that the boy would look just like Paul.  

I should be happy that the child's gone, now I won't have to have a ruined life as a single parent. But now I truly don't know what to do with what I have left. Luckily, I have a huge ass scar on my stomach that will be there for a long time, and will remind me of this shit every time I see it. 

So happy days and all. 

I truly wanted to be held by someone, and told everything would be alright, and that it wasn't my fault, though I feel like it is. But no one wants to do that. I'm just some bird, right? 

But because of how my insides felt like shit, and how I was extremely sad, and broken, I started the car up. I wiped my face, and all the burning tears, with the back of my hands, before I started into the road, driving in one direction or another.

I just needed to get away for a while, I wished badly I could just disappear for a while, just to calm down and think about what I should do. 

I looked over to my side, while I was driving around Liverpool, and realized where I was. I didn't purposely drive here, but there I was, and I might as well right?

So I pulled the car to a halt outside Ringo's shared house, thinking I kind of wanted to see him, and NO ONE ELSE. I could get some comfort from my closest friend, I'm sure he would understand pretty well, right?

I got out of the car, noticing how Paul's car was missing, which made me happy but sad at the same time. I'm not really sure why, maybe I wanted to see him but I didn't want to hear what he had to say either. 

So I went up to the door, hesitated slightly, and knocked a few times. I stood quietly at the door for only a few moment before the lock turned and it was pulled open. 

"Holly?" I prayed my face didn't look too puffy and red as I tried to smile towards Ringo. He was concerned, and surprised, to see me there. 

"Hey, could I come in?" I scratched my cheek nervously, wanting him to say yes. He thought for only a moment, before he nodded and opened the door fully to let me in.

 I nodded a thank you, quickly slipping past him and into the house. It was quiet in the living room area, so maybe he was alone that night, I wasn't sure entirely though. So I guess I must have to be quiet on what I want to tell Ringo.

"So, what's going on?" He shut the door behind me, and casually put his hands in his pockets and stood in front of me. I sighed, feeling my tears coming back again, and putting my hands on my stomach. 

"Something, um, happened," I gulped in that lump that latched itself to my throat. Ringo's face morphed into a sad one, with worry for his friend and all.  He waved for me to sit down at the couch, going over and doing so.

I sat next to him, not too close but not that far from him either.

"What happened?" Ringo's voice was as worried as his voice. He put his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me I guess.

"Ah, it's about the baby." I avoided his gaze, really not wanting to see his thoughts through his blue eyes. My tears began to blur my vision again. I hated crying really. It made me feel helpless and weak. And maybe I was at the time.

I kept my head turned away from Richard, letting my tears begin to roll downward on my face again that day. At that moment, I kind of wished he would do something. Just one thing, I didn't care what, but anything that showed he cared. 

I got what I wanted.

"Holly, what's wrong with the child?" 

I sniffled, "I had a miscarriage. It, um, he died from causes I don't think I'll ever understand." That was surprisingly without an outburst of sobs, just more tears going down my face and looking away from him. 

Ringo was quiet for a moment, the only sound being our breaths, mostly mine of course. Then he spoke, with care for my situation, "Holly, look 'er." I didn't turning my head farther from him and leaning forward slightly. I didn't want him to look upon my face like this. 

He sighed and I felt him moved closer to me. He took his hand and brought it to my wet cheek, lightly turning my face back to him. What was he doing?

Then, out of nowhere, Ringo kissed me.