♥ This Just Feels So Soon ♥

Chapter 14

My heart raced a thousand miles a minute, beating harder than any drum. Hands pressed hard against my face, I trying to surpress the waterfall of tears flooding my eyes. "Brooklyn?!" It was the last thing I heard... Josh's panicked voice, followed by rushed footsteps as I lost my grip on reality and fell under. I awoke to a flickering florencent light hovering over my head. I quinted at the sight. Josh was sitting in a chair beside me with worn bloodshot eyes.

"Where-" I began, but was cut off by the large curtain wall being drawn back anxiously. The sound of the metal rings (that holp up the curtain) sliding across the railing made me flinch. Myranda flew into the room her eyes glistening from past tears. She had bags under her eyes and blotchy red cheeks. "Brooklyn?!" She crossed the room and gave me a tight hug, I was about to respond, but she was babbling so much I couldn't get a word in. "Oh thank god your okay!" she said in a quivering voice.

It was obvious to me now that I was in the hospital. "What happened?" 

"Josh said someone called you and you had a panick attack. He called an ambulance and you doctor ran some tests. The docor claims it was just a more serious attack... but he metioned that..." she rambled on. Concidering Myranda's voice caught after 'attack' this was probably the most important part, but by this time I wasn't paying any attention. I was still fuzzy on what caused me to have an attack when the painfully memory hit me like a brick wall. Tyler...dead... "But I can't imagine you having a heart attack. Your so healthy!"

I zoned in long enough to caugh this last sentence. Heart attack?? What?? "Wait, heart attack?" I asked softly. "Yes...haven't you been paying attention? I said that if your attacks contiue to get worse your at risk for heart attack or stroke," Myranda said solemnly.

"Oh," is all I could manage to say. Josh rose from his chair where he'd been intensely focusing on me. "How do you feel?" he asked, trying to take the focus off Myranda's troublesome comments. "My head hurts a little bit, but I'll be okay," I replied bravely. Josh took his hand in mine and kissed my cheek as he sat on the edge of my bed. "I'm going to give you two some space," Myranda said in a more normal voice then slipped through the hospital curtain. "J-Josh...Tyler's dead," I stumbled through the words, doing my best not to cry. 

He didn't say anything at first just stared down at the white sheets. Then finally said,"I'm...sorry."

"Oh my god, Josh! The music video shoot! Please tell me it's not morning?" I asked worriedly. He nodded his head. "It is, but that doesn't matter. What matters is you getting better. Jonathan already  rescheduled with Kyle," he said in a somewhat sad tone. Something was off about him. 

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked. He sighed, "Brooklyn I need to tell you something... I just don't  know how," Josh responded. "It's okay just tell me." His grip on my hand grew stronger. "I...haven't been completely honest. Darla and I were together a little while before I met you. But no one knew. Not even the guys." 

I want to kill her! I sighed and looked out the window. "How long before you met me did you break it off?" I asked in a cold choppy voice. "She fell into old habits playing games with my head, I-" 

"How long?" I demanded, cutting in. "About three weeks. But I didn't expect all of this. For Darla to be in the video, it wasn't up to me," he said in a practically begging voice. All of the sudden a doctor with white hair and green scrubs on came in holding a clipboard. "Hello Miss Barlow," he said politely as he gave me a light handshake. "Hope I'm not interupping."

Josh and I both gave him a small fake smile. "How are we feeling this morning?" he asked, continuing on. "Alright... do you think i can get something for my head?" I asked wearily. He scanned the clipboard through thick glasses. "I see your panick attacks are getting more and more server. They're triggered by emotion, which we can't control, so I'll give you a prescription for the mindgranes. If we reduce the mindgranes that lead up to the attacks it may prevent some PA's," he mummbled as he filled out a form for the pharmacy, then passed it to me.

"Thank you," I said taking it into my hands. "Oh, and this was left for you." He handed me a sealed envelope before disapearing behind the curtains. 

Dear Miss Brooklyn Barlow,

By the athourity of the Vancouver City Council, we are pleased to infrom you that due to your current circumstances we have arranged for your home preparations.  We have been sent your court files and are here to help with your unique situation. Due to Tyler Evans violations of property charges, to your home that he can no longer pay off, we have come to a decision. Your home has been refurnished and preped for you arrivail! A spare key has been provided for you in this letter.

All our sympathy,

The Vancouver City Concile

I closed the letter slowly and picked up the envelope turning it upside down, and letting the key fall onto my open plam. Finally some good news... but I don't even want to talk to Josh. Let alone ask him for a ride. "Brooklyn?" I sighed and looked up at him. "I'd like for you to take me to the pharmacy, then home. My home," I said holding up the key. He bit the inside of his lip.

"Okay."

                                                                              *  *   *

The car rides were silent. When we pulled up to my house, I stopped by my mailbox before going inside. There were so many letters I had to sort them into piles. Six magazines, seven bills, and two letters, lay in stacks before me on my kitchen table. God. How long have I been gone? I automatically pushed the magazines aside because they were piontless to me. Josh sat silently in a chair next to me. I looked though the bills, just to throw them down on the wooden surface.

I began to read one of the letters that was aleast two days old from my college. It stated I would have to re-enroll for next years classes, because my attendance was to poor to make-up. Whatever that school was filled with idoits. I unconvincingly lied to myself. I tossed the open letter on top of the pile. Josh stared down at the bills, three of which were labled in bright red, capital letters: OVERDUE. Then at the letter from my school. I ignored his sympathetic reaction since I was still really pissy about Darla. 

Then I began to open the last letter. It was smaller with a sticker over the flap. I was caught off guard for a moment by the contence, then quickly regained my composer, as I closed the letter and threw it onto the pile. "This is all my fault. I should have talked you into going back to school and work sooner, I want to help. We can get you back in to school next year...and I can help with the bills." he insisted.

"Josh. They're my bills, and my schooling. I can take care of myself." He sighed, then the last letter caught his eye. "What's this?" he asked lifting it to his eye level. "Nothing!" I said getting up from my chair and trying to snatch it from him.

There was no piont in this. Josh's arms were far longer than mine. "An invite to Tyler's funeral? Phs," he said sacrastically as he tossed it onto the table.  "What?" I said harshly, and got immediately defensive. "Your not actually thinking about going, are you?" He asked in a cold voice.

I stared at him, my eyes filled with anger. "And who's going to stop me, you?" I asked rudely. Josh walked away from me with his hands intertwined, pressing on the top of his head. As if he could punch a wall at any moment. "God damn it Brooklyn! Why can't you get passed him? I'm your boyfriend. Josh, remember?"

I stared at him for a moment before saying, "What are you crazy? Your going to try to make me feel guilty? He was my best-friend for years. And he just died. But you can go off, and do whatever with Darla and expect me to be okay with it?" 

"Darla? How many times are you going to throw that back in my face? It's a music video Brooklyn! Not a make-out session!" he said raising his voice. Without thinking I walked closer to Josh and slapped him. His face was turned away from me now, because of the impact. He bit his lip as he stared at the ground.

"I think that I should go," he said softly. And even now he kissed my cheek before leaving.