♥ This Just Feels So Soon ♥

Chapter 15

Knock...Knock... I wanted to chase after Josh. I didn't want him to walk away like this. The word "I," surfaced to my lips. But Josh ingnored it walking out the door. I felt disgusted with myself. It was as if I was transforming into Tyler. Even now he could effect me...and I hated it. The muffled sound of chain clanking together, as the door was being unlocked, pulled me out of my thoughts.

I knew we both needed space, so I waited three days before comfronting Josh. "Hi," I said in a soft kidish voice. "Hey," he said nervously jamming his hands into his jeans pockets. It was freezing in the early morning air so I causiously took a step inside. "I, um, left so clothes here... I thought I should come get them," I said. "I set your bag right there," he mumbled quietly and pointed to a nearby couch. I followed his finger to find my backpack resting against it on the ground. "Thanks," I said slinging it over my shoulder.

Josh faced away from me staring though a rain-smudged window. I began that nervous habit, scraping the nailpolish from my fingers as I talked. "Josh... I'm really really sorry. I feel awful... for hitting you. You didn't deserve that what so ever. No one does. I lost control and it'll never happen again. I just... hope you can forgive me," I said in a soft voice.

There was a long pause as I awaited his responce. Josh kept his gaze on the glistening streets below and I decided to head for the door. "I love you," I whispered, then grasped the doorknob. As I began to close the door behind me, I was caught in a firm grip by Josh's hand. "I...love you too." I turned my head to face him and he automatically made lip contact with me. He pulled me back inside and I dropped my bag as we continued to kiss. I know it had only been three days but I was craving the touch of Josh's lips to mine, that's probably why he was the first to pull away this time.

"So... your going?"Josh asked slowly. I sighed and glanced around the room before locking eyes with him. "Tyler's mom and I...we've always been close. Since I'm the reason Tyler..." But I couldn't bare to say it aloud. "It would be rude not to go," I finished instead. Josh stood before me still struggling to form words, so I did. "I'm sorry." His head rose as I said it.

"No, no. You shouldn't be apologizing. I should've been more understanding. Thinking back to what I said, I'm surprised you didn't smack me sooner," he said with a small laugh to lighten the mood. But I'm the one who lost their temper then, not him. I ran my hand across my eyes then brought the fingertips up to my temples."It's not fair. Tyler. Darla. Why do things like this happen to us, when we don't deserve it?" I asked in a stressed out voice.

Josh walked around me and began to rub my shoulders. "I know it's not fair. But were still here together. Through all of it, that has to count for something, right?" My answer was sort of a mutter because the massage felt amazing. "Yes."

"We'll be okay, you just need to believe that," he finished. I turned towars Josh, grabbing him by both forearms. He raised his eyebrows at me. "I can't... face them by myself," I sarted but Josh was already shaking his head disapprovingly. "It's to hard! Josh, please come to the funeral with me!" I begged. "I'm, probably the worst person to accompany you. Brooklyn I don't belong there, I know where my place is," He said softly to me.

"But..." I took in a deep breathe knowing there was no way I was going convince Josh otherwise,"...okay." He wrapped me in a tight hug. "When do you leave?" he asked. "The funeral's in Toronto where his mom lives. It's in a c-couple of weeks," I said in a quivering voice. I thought I was going to cry, just at the thought of having to leave Josh, to go see all the sad, hurt faces of Tyler's family. Josh smoothed back my hair and kissed my forehead.

"Then we have plenty of time. Here together," he said clarifying it, as if we had forever. I gave way to a small smile and Josh pulled away from our long hug. "Hungry?" Josh asked as he opened the fridge door and began to rumage through the multipul compartments and shelves. "No thanks. I'm fine," I said when something caught my eye. "So did you ever finish the music video shoot?" I asked as I slowly moved into the living room to get a closer look.