Torn Up (Harry Styles/Bullying)

Chapter 19

Harry's POV:

I realized I was home after 5 minutes of being awake. You can't blame me though because everything was hazy and came to me slowly. I noticed the pain killers on the table and gladly took them, without a sip from the glass of water.

I heard grunts and running water from the bathroom so I assumed it was Sandra.

"Sandy?" I shouted.

"C-coming!" She sounded quite frantic, that's weird, Sandra is always relaxed around me. I sat up waiting for her arrival.

Big mistake.

My head started pounding and everything was spinning. I held onto the arm rest to stop the circles I was seeing.

Two little arms came out of nowhere and engulfed me into a tight bear hug. I winced from the pain I got when Sandra squeezed my injuries.

Her hand flung to her mouth and her eyes went wide. "Oh crap, I'm so so sorry! I forgot I just, I'm glad your awake!"

I laughed at her, she was too cute. Everything was still a little blurry and I held my head. I made a grunting sound and motioned my arms open, so Sandra would lay with me.

She blushed a deep red and let a small smile tug at her lips. As sook as she sat in my lap, I layer her down and nuzzled my face in the nook of her neck. She giggled and said,"Haz! Your curls tickle!"

So I just moved my head more before kissed her neck repeatedly. I felt her move closer to me-if that was even possible. I loved this and I loved her.

The pain easily died down and I felt less light headed. Sandra moved her little arms up by my face and started to play with my curls. I started humming and was about to close my eyes when some red caught my eye.

I let out a sigh and then giggled.

"Sandy, you've got some of my blood on you!"

She laughed with me and told me,"Get it off! Ewww!"

So I just did what I was told, I reached for her arm and pulled up her sleeve a little where I saw the red. Her laughter ended abruptly and she flinched, her eyes looked lifeless.

"H-harry, p-please don't, l-ook," she pleaded. I was confused, why did it matter if she had my blood on her wrists, it was just my blo-

I grabbed her wrist and pulled up her sleeve.

The whole world stopped for me. I couldn't hear or think or see. Every thing was dead silent, I don't think anything was moving anymore. Time was frozen. It was one of those moments when life didn't seem real. How could it be, when you see something so horrible? I let out a shaky breath.

A stray tear slide down my face as I delicately took Sandra's wrist and brought it towards my face. At that exact moment my love for her grew, yet she became more fragile.

I placed my lips on every fresh cut she had. I gave her a kiss on every pink fading line, every scab, and every single scar.

I kissed both her arms and let the tears flow down my face and onto her arms. Salty tears mixed with her blood creating a trail of pink liquid, seeping down her arms. I kept taking weird breathes as I tried to stay calm.

I kissed the last scar and put her arms down. I look her in the eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes were cloudy anymore as I watched her walls crumble down even more. The only thing I saw in her eyes was regret, pain and love.

"Are, a-are there more?" I croaked still staring into her eyes. She whimpered and pulled up her shirt and shimmed her pants down a bit. Almost 200 more pink faded lines covered her stomach and 50 on each thigh.

I started to shake violently. I couldn't stop, this was too much. There were so many; too many. I sucked in a sharp breath and I started to hyperventilate.
My vision was completely blurry as waterworks poured out of my eyes.

"Why? Why would you do this to yourself?" my voice betrayed me cracking on the last word. I took in another shaky breath as I wiped snot from my nose.

"I, I was so a-alone. I was beat, I was hit, I was kicked and shoved and called mean names. Everyone just kept tearing me apart, they broke me Harry. I'm not the same girl I used to be, they pushed me so far, made me change so much I don't who the real me is anymore. I want it to be when I'm with you because I like who I am when I'm with you. But I cut because, no one cared about me, yet I still went on. People always say after the bad come the good, right? So I kept trying, thinking it would have to get better, it h-had too. Harry, I've been in such a dark place, a place I never thought I would get out of. I've thought of killing myself so many times, no one would care, I was just a waste of space, just like everyone said. I was just...tired, tired of trying, tired of waiting for things to get better. I was so done, so I did the only thing I could do. I cut. It was so...refreshing, knowing for once I had created the marks, I was the one making the pain. And for that reason, it felt good, I was able to hurt myself and everyone else's words just egged me on. They just made the words true, I knew it was true and I know it still is true. Harry, it was my only escape, it's my way out. Whenever something bad happens my razor is there for me, and that's always the way I go. Finding you there bleeding because of being with me, made me finally snap. I had been torn since I met you, but you pulled me out of the dark. You showed me light Harry and you taught me to smile, and to love. So, I couldn't deal with the fact that the one thing I loved was broken. I can't stand the idea of you being broken, like me, and bleeding and crying, because of me. And I'm so, so sorry. I love you."

Tears were now pouring down both our faces, what Sandra said was so terrible and beautiful in such a sick and twisted way.


"I love you too, way more than I ever thought I would love anyone. Sandra, I know it's going to be hard, hard as fuck, but I'll be there with you. I'm always here for you. You'll stop, you will. Your beautiful and can't let what they say get in your way, because I care about you, a lot. Don't ever think about killing yourself, please. I-I don't think I could go on without you, you've made such an impact on me already. You may not believe it but you fixed me too, I wasn't in the best place when I first came here. So much has happened to me too, but I got through it and so will you. Just please never forget your beautiful, I've never seen a girl as pretty as you and that will never change, okay?"

I pulled her in tight and kissed her. The mixture of her tears and mine made kiss taste salty. I held onto her neck and slowly pulled away nuzzling my face back in her neck.

"Sandra?"

"Hmm?" she sniffed, holding onto me tight.

"I, I need to show you something, to erm, prove you can get through this."

I moved her around and pulled my arms away from her waist. I rolled up my shirt and pointed to my tattoos.

"I, I don't understand?"

I took a deep breath, I had never really told anyone the real reason behind getting my tattoos.

"All of my tattoos have a meaning, a deep meaning. That's one of the reasons why I got them. The real reason is, well because I cut too, probably worse than you," I let out a forced chuckle.

"Bad things have happened to me too, Sandra, no where near as bad as you, but I know where you are coming from."

"I stopped cutting and so can you," I whispered. Pulling her closer into my side.

I covered us with a big blanket. I was physically and emotionally drained.

"I love you," I told into her ear.

"And I love you."

Sandra snuggled into my side and I immediately fell asleep to the smell of her hair and the warmth of her body.


{A/N: so I almost have 2k reads and I just agh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! & sorry for the lack of updating I have been really busy with exams:/

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-Cassandra (: }