I Missed You (George Weasley-Love Story Book 3)

Chapter 5

George's POV:

I looked at the handwriting of the letter for a few minutes, willing myself to open it but not really believing she wrote to me. I must have started a hundred letters to her by now, all of them crumpled up and littered around the floor in my room. Fred and I had been living in the loft space above the shop for a few weeks, but even with the privacy of my own room I hadn't gotten the nerve up to write her. Now though, I'm holding a letter from her, from Katherine.

It was a huge dark grey owl that delivered it before flying off again, not even waiting for a response. I don't know what to expect in the letter. I know she's been replying to Fred's letters, and has even written Tonks, Remus, and Harry a few times. But I don't know what she's written to me and it makes my stomach churn. I turn the letter over and see a plain silver wax seal keeping it sealed, but before I can open it a knock at the door makes me jump in my chair.

"Oi George! We open in an hour hurry up will yah?!?" (F)

"Yeh mate, be down in a bit just got to finish a letter." (G)

"Well if you're not down in two hours I'm sending Lee up here after you." (F)

I hear him walk downstairs and I turn back to the letter. I force my fingers to move toward the seal, breaking it before opening the envelope. I pull out the letter and see that it's longer than any I've started or even thought about writing. I look at the handwriting and I know it's from Katherine and each word that she's written only makes me feel like a bigger git than I already am.

Dear George,

            I've thought of writing to you for several weeks now, but I've only just gotten the courage to do so. I know things ended badly between us, in fact looking back I can't think of a way that they could have ended worse. But I just want to say that I forgive you for the harsh words you said that night. I won't lie they have long been haunting my mind because there are times that I agree with them completely. But I no longer blame you for the hurtful words, I know you didn't mean to say them. I can only hope that one day you can forgive me as well because the words came out were from stress and anger, and I didn't mean any of them. There are moments when I wish we could erase the past and go back to being the way we were my first year at Hogwarts, but I know too well that we can't. You see, I've thought over our relationship so much over the past year and I don't know if we can fix it. 
         It's not your fault completely, nor is solely my fault, rather the fault is both of ours. I should have been more direct with you earlier on with what I wanted to do with my life, but you should also have given me a bit more of your time this past year. I no longer blame you for not being there, because there were many times you were there for me when I didn't ask you, even though I wanted you there, and for that I'm grateful. But I feel it important for you to know how I felt this past year because I don't think I'll ever truly be able to move on this, from us, without some type of closure. You see what I really missed was simply being with you, and you being with me. I don't mean being in the same room with one another. I mean being with each other mentally, and physically.
         I missed being with you this past year, for even when we were together your mind was absent from us and with the joke shop instead. We were together but it always seemed as if your mind was elsewhere, and I wasn't even in the same spectrum as your thoughts. I missed so much more than that though this past year. I missed our talks alone with one another, even if it was about what we did during the day. I missed the comforting touch of your arms around me when I was feeling drained. I missed your scent soothing me to sleep after a nightmare. I missed the lullaby of your heart to calm my mind when it was worried. I missed your lips on mine when I was happy or sad. I missed your smile when you were up to no good. I missed your laugh when a prank was pulled off successfully. I missed your solemn swears to me as we talked of the future with one another. I missed the mischief that we managed to get into together. I missed every single thing about you George.                       
         Whether you noticed my absence in your life or not I don't know, but I noticed your absence in mine. I noticed when you weren't there to comfort me after an encounter with the Toad. I noticed when our plans were canceled or moved for the sake of the joke shop. I noticed when you were no longer eating dinner with me. Your absence because a defining part of my life this past year. For you see, your absence was a constant reminder that the joke shop came before me in your mind and possibly your heart. It was a reminder that I wasn't important enough for you to remember. Whether this is true or not doesn't matter, because it was how I felt. I didn't mention it when you forgot our anniversary, or how you made last minute plans to ask me to Christmas because you forgot to ask me earlier, or even when we didn't spend Valentine's with each other. I didn't say anything about any of these dates, because they weren't what mattered to me.
         What mattered to me was spending time with you, being with you, loving you. But it was like I wasn't even a part of your life. I loved you George Weasley, and though I had been hesitant to saying yes to marrying you I agreed to it because of my love for you. I thought maybe we would see more of each other after Christmas break, maybe we would be as we once were but the opposite was true. I saw even less of you after the break than I did before. I don't even know if you had noticed when I stopped asking you to go hunting with me, or to go pick up blood with me at Madam Pomfrey's before the Toad stopped me.    
         Did you care at all that while you were planning an extraordinary exit from Hogwarts that I was being left behind in a nightmare that only got worse after you called me my worst fear? Did Remus tell you yet about my breakdown at the ministry? Has Scar told you that I use cheering charms almost daily in an attempt to keep my heart from thinking about you? It's been months since we've last spoken and I've heard from you not once. Do you miss me at all? Or was I nothing but a game to you, an experiment to try out to see if you liked the idea of dating the 'bloodsucker' at Hogwarts?
        I don't expect answers from you George. In fact, I don't really expect to hear back from you at all as busy as Fred tells me y'all are. I'm also not writing this letter to make you feel guilty or make you mad. I'm writing this letter in an attempt to be able to move on with my life, or to at least be able to wake up in the morning without the dull aching pain in my chest that reminds me that I've lost you. I need to be able to wake up in the morning and not miss you with every fiber in my being because George, the truth is I still love you even if there is no love in your heart for me.
        I'm making this letter my last goodbye to you though George, unless you wish to be in my life once more. My internship ends in another week and I'm being sent off somewhere by Dumbledore for business, rather than starting a teaching job at Hogwarts. I was warned it will be a rough trip, but I accept the consequences. If I'm successful it means that y'all could be safer a bit longer, and I would do anything for you to be safe with your family. If I fail then it may be a while before anyone hears from me, if they hear from me ever again. I'm not writing this in an effort to make you care for me again, though if all you had to offer me was friendship I would take it as long as it meant I could be near you again.
        No, I'm writing this to you because Remus and Fred have both said it would be good closure for us in case something did happen. For you see Georgie, I've tried hating you. I've tried despising you. I've tried called you every name in the book for breaking my heart. I've tried to forget you. I've tried to forget everything about you. But I can't. I miss you more than I missed you during the school year. I love you just as much as I did before. The only names I can call you are out of love and adoration. The only emotion of passion that I can feel towards you is love rather than hate. But you see Georgie, I remember every moment we spent together as if they happened yesterday and I can't take it anymore.
        I'm living my life as a half-empty shell. I'm being haunted by our memories in my dreams. The nightmares that wake me before full moons nowadays are happy memories of ours, and the dreams are nightmares because when I wake I'm forced to remember we aren't together anymore. The dull aching pain that stays in my chest is beginning to drive me insane and I can't take it anymore. I have to try to move on with my life Georgie, and I'm sure you want to as well. I'm not asking to get back together, in fact I'm trying to move forward as I'm sure you have though Fred won't say. I only want you to know that I, Katherine Mary Harrison, have and will always love you more than I thought possible.
        Give my love to Fred and Lee, and the rest of the Weasley clan for I love them as my own family. Stay safe as you work with Remus and the others, and while you insult you-know-who with your pranks, as I'm sure you'll find a way to do. Give Mischief an owl treat for me, and take care of yourself George. May you be happy with the life you have chosen, for all I wish for is your happiness. 
           With love for you forever and always,
                                                             Katherine Mary Harrison  

p.s. I still miss you.