Chasing After My Life. (Another cancer story)

Chapter 35

April
They had finished running the tests and I was now in a room. I was elevated slightly and awake now. Leo was here with me. He held my hand as we sat in almost complete silence. I was off the oxygen now but had fluids. He wanted me to rest but I couldn't. Leo,I'm so sorry I ruined tonight,I said. April you didn't ruin anything,right now it's important you get better,he said. Get some rest he added after a moment. Leo I whispered as my eyes filled with tears. Oh baby,he said and climbed into the bed pulling me to his chest. I cried and a huge sob escaped into his chest as I wet his shirt with my tears. Hey hey it's okay,he said,it's okay. He stroked my hair. I finally calmed down. What if they were wrong and it's back Leo I can't do it again it's barely been a day,I cried. It's okay if it is yes you can I know it has but you can I believe in you I love you you're strong,it isn't back okay it isn't,he said. Finally I caught some sleep and I'm guessing he did too. I startled him when I woke. I dreamed a horrible dream. I was in the water and I was drowning. I couldn't find the surface and Leo came to save me. He thought he was too late. By the time I reached the hospital I was alive but when I gained consciousness I found him dead. I almost sat upright had I not made myself dizzy and tried to breathe and was lucky not to scream though I yelled the word no. Leo startled awake and when I saw him next to me alive I calmed and cried again. What's the matter he whispered into my hair. Bad dream he asked. Yes I answered. It's okay April it was only a dream he said. No it wasn't----Leo it was real------sob-----it was real---I almost died----deep shaky breath-----and I didn't but you did-----after you--sob----saved me,I sobbed. Calm down it wasn't real you're alive and I'm alive see I'm right here,he said. I took his advice he was right. I took deep breaths and calmed down. He held me tight. Sleep,he whispered into my hair. I can't, I whispered to his chest where my hand was wrapped tightly around his shirt. Yes you can don't worry no more bad dreams are coming I'm gonna fight them off,he said. How,I asked a small smile forming with no more tears to fill my eyes. With my strength obviously,he said and showed a demonstration of where his arm muscles were. I did laugh at that and then I slept some more. The doctor came in a while later so he sat up and woke me. I was okay it turns out it was just a cold and dehydration setting in I was gonna be okay I was still cancer free. I sighed of relief at that point. They were going to keep me tonight but I can go home tomorrow. Sarah showed up the following morning and came down the corridor. She saw us sleeping through the window and sat outside my room. She wasn't working and didn't want to wake us. The only thing I truly know is I am going to be okay,Leo and I are going to be okay,it's going to work and be fine it has too. If it weren't for that hope I'd have lost a long time ago but I'm still here. A few hours later we woke up and Sarah came in. Hey,she said giving a sympathetic smile for waking us knowing we had a long and eventful night. It was exhausting and they had the three hour drive. She looked kinda tired still. Hey,we both replied at once still sleepily. I yawned and leaned into Leo as he wrapped a strong arm around me. I talked to your doctor while you were asleep,he will be back in about 15 minutes to look over you and then you should be able to leave,she said. Okay thank you,I said. I was grateful she has done a lot for me and Leo but especially me. It's no problem,she said. I'll give you all a few minutes to wake up and I'll grab breakfast okay,she said and exited after we elicited nods. I knew Leo had to be hungry because when she mentioned breakfast I realized I was starving and my stomach growled. I looked up at Leo and leaned up quickly to peck his lips. I love you,I said and grabbed his hand. I love you too, he said and squeezed my hand. Sarah returned with breakfast and we had just finished when the doctor came in. He checked over everything. My BP,vital signs,eyes,strength,lungs and heart,etc. A phlebotomist came in and took a sample of my blood to test just to be safe. I know my tumor wasn't back because I'd have seen signs and I can breathe okay for the most part and I don't think my leukemia is back I would know right? I mean I knew something was wrong last time. I squeezed Leo's hand as he held me and they took the tube of blood. They handed Sarah discharge papers and she wheeled me down front where we met the car. I climbed in back with Leo and got settled. There was a blanket back there so after seat belting in we covered our legs and I leaned against him. I took a small nap. I had antibiotics to take at home but I was pretty tired. Whenever I get a cold I get tired easily. That's all it is,I told myself over and over again willing myself to believe those words. I think something is wrong though because why would they have taken more blood. I know it's only precautionary but still. I hope not I just beat it again I can't bear it again. I'm not letting this disease take me I'm not done. I'm certainly not giving up and I refuse to fall and go down without a fight. A very strong fight.