Smile {A Phanfiction}

Smile (chapter twenty eight)

Dan

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell Phil, I just could never find the right time. Plus it was the holiday season and I'm pretty sure no one wants to get your bestfriend telling them that their girlfriend has been snogging other people for Christmas...especially when one of those other people are their bestfriend. I felt so guilty. Every time I would look at Phil, at his hopeful and precious smile, all I could picture in my head was that smile fading out and never coming back.

I think that telling your bestfriend and person you care about most in the world that their girlfriend is cheating on and lying to them is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. I wish I could be speaking from experience because it would have been a lot better to have told Phil about Victoria than how he had actually found out.

*************

It was the day of Christmas eve and Phil and I were eating breakfast together and watching anime, just like how we used to. But something was off. In myself I mean, Phil looked perfectly happy. I really didn't want to mess up his happiness or his Christmas with what I knew about his girlfriend, so I just sat in silence next to him on the couch and pretended that everything was fine.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Phil paused the episode we were watching and turned to face me.

"Yeah," I said with as calm of a tone as I could muster. "Did you get me anything good?"

Phil laughed. I was afraid that if I told him about Victoria, I would never hear that laugh again. Maybe I was afraid he'd be too sad to crack a smile, or maybe I was scared he wouldn't believe me and leave me forever.

"No come on, I want to know." I pleaded.

"Well I got you something...anime themed."

"Which anime?"

"Dan, I can't tell you that much! But now you have to give me a hint about what you got for me." He sounded like he was about to explode with excitement or curiosity. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that he is a man who pays bills and is 6ft 3.

"I got you a book." I said it so plainly that I wasn't surprised when Phil's face fell. "Oh come on, Phil. You don't even know what it's about."

"Okay fine, just promise me that it's not some boring textbook or something."

"Yeah Phil, because I totally got you a textbook for Christmas." I rolled my eyes at him.

We went back to watching anime for another hour or two, you really lose track of time when anime episodes are only 20 minutes long and you never turn off the 'auto play' option. All I know is that it was about 2:00 in the afternoon when I heard Phil's phone chime. He picked it up and pulled a sort of half-moon smile when he checked who was texting him.

"It's Victoria." Phil said when he noticed that I was trying to get a glimpse of his phone. My heart sank. "She wants me to come over to her flat."

"I'll go with you!" It came it out way to loud, way to fast.

"Why would you wanna come, it might be a kind of...couple...thing."

"Right," I started picked at a piece of dead skin on my hand awkwardly. "Well, hope you have a good time."

"I'd better go get ready." He said as he gave me a small smile then got off the couch and headed for his room.

I really hoped that I'd be able to gain enough confidence to tell Phil soon, I could not stand to see his heart being broken, but I know that that was better than Phil never knowing the truth.

Phil

I wanted to surprise Victoria with a Christmas present and an early visit. I know she said I should come around her flat at 4:00, but I just really wanted to see her sooner. I had rushed around my room getting ready and doing some last minute adjustments to her present's wrapping. I practically ran out the door, barely even saying "goodbye" to Dan, and to the underground where I caught the earliest train to Victoria's. My heart was pounding with excitement when I had finally reached her door.

I knocked once. No answer. And then twice, but still nothing. Maybe she was in the bathroom or didn't hear me. Victoria had given me a spare key to her flat, we had been dating for about three months after all (but I never thought I would ever have to use it). I placed the key into the lock on the door handle and turned it until I heard a click. I slowly opened the door to her flat and was immediately greeted with darkness.

I stepped over the threshold and started to explore the extremely dimly lit flat, hoping to find a light switch or even Victoria herself. I also started to contemplate whether this was considered trespassing or not... Then suddenly out of no where, I began to hear faint sounds coming from where I thought Victoria's bedroom was. The sounds were like low moans and I instantly thought that Victoria was in some sort of pain. I quickened my pace towards the bedroom, which I had noticed had a weak glow of light coming through the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. But when I opened the door I didn't see what I thought I would.

"What the hell are you doing?! Who is that?!" I watched them scramble to pull up the sheets, trying to cover up what they had been doing.

"Phil! What are you doing here?" The calmness in her voice just angered me even more. It also broke my heart even more. How could she do this?

"Don't try to switch this on me!" I was shouting my way through the pain. "I came to surprise you."

She looked down at my gift, I could see the guilt in her eyes.

"But hey, I guess you had a surprise for me too." I took one last look at the two of them. Together. I wanted so badly to yell and scream at the two of them even more, but I knew that anything else I was going to say would come out as a whimper or a sob. I didn't want to give that to her. So instead of lashing out some more, I shut the door behind me and left the room.

I don't even know how I managed to take another step without collapsing into a wailing mess of tears and snot. But I had enough control left to toss my spare keys on the floor with her Christmas present. I was about to leave when I considered the gift lying on the hardwood floor one last time, I knew someone way more deserving of it than Victoria, and it was better to give it to them rather than giving her a reward for betraying me.

I think I cried all the way home. On the tube people were giving me weird looks, but their judgement was the last thing on my mind.

The thoughts and memories bounced around in my brain and I couldn't get them to stop. I thought about all the wonderful memories I had had with Victoria and all the reasons why I had loved her flooded back into my mind as well. But on the other hand, I also thought about how I was sort of glad it was over and I didn't have to cope with having feelings for two people.

And then I thought about Dan and how I knew he'd be home, waiting for me. And even though I was completely overtaken by sadness and gloom,

I smiled.