Smile {A Phanfiction}

Smile (chapter twenty four)

Phil

I woke up the next morning feeling sick to my stomach. When I had tried to leave my bed, my insides lurched and I almost fell over because of my blurry vision. I didn't remember to take out my contacts so I must of slept with them in, and it was always a hassle to practically have to pry them off of my eyeballs. So I decided to stay in bed a little while longer and try to at least remember a bit about what had happened last night.

Everything was hazy in my memory and I couldn't place anything at once. Although... there was one particular part of the night that I had tried to place. I swear it was on the tip of my tongue but every time I got close to remembering what had happened, it slipped away without a trace. It frustrated me so much that I forced myself out of bed and make some morning coffee, mainly so I had something else to think about besides the unknowns of the night before.

I didn't see Dan when I walked into the kitchen to grab my coffee or when I went to the lounge to drink it in silence. Even if I couldn't remember it, I could tell that something had happened last night, and it was probably the reason why Dan was still in his room. Maybe it was something normal like drinking too much and Dan was still asleep because of how tired it had made him, while I was already feeling the regrets of too much alcohol. But I could also tell it was more than just that.

Maybe we had an argument of some kind and he was mad about something I had said or done to him. That felt a bit closer to the real answer, but I couldn't recall what the argument was about. And then I hoped and prayed that it wasn't about her.

About Victoria.

Dan

I had been awake for a while before I heard his door creak while it opened and his foot steps going down the corridor. I barely noticed how long it had been. I was just staring at the ceiling and thinking (and also probably talking or whispering without realising it, I tend to do that a lot as well), about last night. About the alcohol, about the argument, about Victoria, about Phil.

It was out before I could stop it. In the moments before I had confessed I could physically feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins and in my head, I could have passed out. But I have to admit, even though I was completely unsure in that moment if Phil even remembered that I had said "I love you", it felt kind of...great to get have it off my chest. If only for a fragment of a moment.

Of course I was still feeling queasy from the drinks, but I hadn't thrown up yet and honestly I wasn't even that concerned about being sick, the thoughts raging around inside my head were the fists of a boxer that were trying to punch a hole through my head to escape. 

But I did acknowledge the roaring of my stomach, telling me to go get something to eat before I died of starvation. So I ejected myself from the warmth of the blanket nest I had created throughout the night and clumsily waddled into the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal. 

Phil 

I heard him in the kitchen, the sound of cutlery clanging around and cereal being poured into a bowl, it startled me. I was half expecting him to go back into his room to eat, but I also wasn't completely surprised when Dan entered the lounge holding a bowl of Shreddies.

" 'Morning," I said as coolly as I could manage. "Sleep well?"

He looked over, sort of worried in a way, but started to laugh after a moment.

"No! I had the worst sleep of my entire life last night." He sat down on the chair across from the couch I was sitting on. "Do you know how much you drank last night?"

"Just as much as you I imagine."

"Yeah well, you might have had about a drink...or three more." He still said smiling.

"Really?!" I was genuinely taken aback. "But I almost never drink!"

Dan paused for a moment and dropped his smile.

"You really don't remember anything, do you?"

"No," I went serious too. "Well, I can recall certain bits and pieces, but nothing entirely makes sense to me. Everything I can think of that may have happened last night... just sort of slips away before I can...you know..." 

Dan took a few scoops of cereal from his bowl. I still wonder what happens in his mind every time he goes quiet in a conversation. Sure, he could be thinking of what to say next, but really, I bet it's deeper than that. I bet no one could tell you what he thinks about to himself. 

"Could you maybe uh, tell me what happened last night?" I said interrupting Dan's thoughts. "I mean, if you remember."

"Oh," Dan set aside his cereal right after I had asked, like he had been waiting for me to ask. "Well...I've already told you that we uh...drank too much. But then we just talked for a little bit."

"That's it?"

"No. Then you threw up and I had to call a cab and practically drag you up the flat stairs and into bed." Dan smiled and I could feel my cheeks go bright red and heat up as much as the sun.

So I guess nothing really did happen (besides me not being able to hold down my drinks). But I don't know, I could of sworn that something really, really important happened the night before. Maybe I was just thinking about this too much.

Dan

I couldn't tell him what really happened. He'd freak out and think it was weird, that I have feelings for him. He had girlfriend for Christ's sake!

Even if he didn't have a girlfriend, Phil would still never love you.
You lie to him,
keep things from him.
And you have zero self confidence.
Just tell him already and save yourself the time.
'Cause one day, it's gonna happen and your going to feel the same amount of pain and embarrassment.    

I knew I was right about this one.