Blood Wolf

8: Love D.

We sat there for a moment, stunned, Tristian was just looking at us with sadness in his eyes. Unwrapping myself from Ryker, I got to my knees and opened my arms. It only took a second for Tris to run over, throwing himself into my arms as he buried his face in my neck.

I heard the little whimpers coming from him, his sniffles, and felt the wetness spreading over my shirt. My heart breaking in two as I listened to him cry. All I wanted was to ease his pain, to take it away and keep him happy. Panic shot threw me when I thought of the effects this would have on him. Hearing about his parents deaths.

Turning to look at Ryker, he seemed unsure of what to do. Opting for kneeling with us, he took us both into his arms. I did my best to ignore the tingles running through me as his nose skimmed the skin over my shoulder. I heard him taking deep breaths as he ran his hands over mine and Tristian’s back. It was like he was calming himself as he tried to calm me and Tristian.

“Don’t be sad, buddy. They loved you very much, just like I do.”

I was surprised when Tris pulled back at looked at Ryker like he was crazy. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen, his little nose scrunched as one eyebrow shot up, and his pink tongue slightly poking through his thin lips.

“I’m not sad about that! You and mummy were sad, I felt it. I don’t want you to be sad.”

Now it was my turn to look at Tris like he was mad. Did he just call me mummy? Shit! He did. As much as I loved the feeling that came from it I couldn’t let him get too attached. I’d be leaving soon, leaving him…unless I took him with me?

I shot that idea down quickly, being a rogue wasn’t an easy life and it wouldn’t be fair to him, also he needed Ryker. He was the only father he had ever known and no matter how selfish I was, I couldn’t take that away from him.

But could I really stay here? Could I change my life for this little boy?

I knew the answer to that immediately. No. I couldn’t, I wasn’t the mother type. I wasn’t meant to be happy, or loved, not with all the things I had done. Pack life and a family were not meant for me. No one could love a killer, they wouldn’t accept me once they found out.

“DALLAS!”

Ryker’s worried voice rang in my head yanking me out from my thoughts. I looked between him and Tris. It seems they had been trying to get my attention for a bit.

“Yea, uh…sorry. Ummm, I-I…excuse me.”

I pulled out of their arms that were still holding me and shot up the stairs. I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t let Tristian get close to me. I wasn’t good enough for him, or for Ryker, though I still had my doubts as to why he wanted me here.

The best thing would be to leave now, just skip out and move on. They’d be ok, they’d be better off without me.

Making the decision quickly, I gathered all my things into my knapsack. I could use the window, it was only a short drop, maybe 20 ft. I’ve jumped from far worse.

Without thinking about it, I quietly ran across the hall to Tristian’s room, looking at the dresser that still held the small carvings. I wanted something to remember him by, something that kept me close to him.

Going back into Ryker’s room, I changed. Wrapping the carvings into Ryker’s shirt that I borrowed. He had dozens so he wouldn’t miss this one. Stuffing them into my bag, I pulled out the small box that sat on top.

My mothers’ white gold and onyx rosary. I had seen it my whole life, sitting on His mantel. He told me it was one of the only items the hospital released after her death. It was to go to me but instead he kept it just out of reach but always in my view.