Comrades in Action Book 2: Aiden Montaniez

Dead man walking

Describe Three weeks..

Fucking...

Pure...

Torture...

I grunt as I focused myself on the punching bag in front of me.

It swayed from side to side as it took every blow from my punch.

I've been here in the gym for the past two hours after receiving the news of Dominica's arrival from LA.

Sinuntok ko ang punching bag ng sobrang lakas. Frustration is etched in my every move.

I've tried running on the threadmill for almost an hour. Thinking that it could help me not to think of her.

Sa mga dating problema ko, laging effective ang pagtakbo ko doon. But now, ever since the first time I saw her, hindi na iyon umubra.

My mind still keep on thinking about her.

I barely survived the fucking three weeks without seeing her.. without her voice..

I'm like a dead man walking.

Giving her time is pure torture on my part. Pero ito ang dapat. Ito ang kailangan. I don't want to push her anymore. I don't want to scare her again like I did that night.

She needed time to think. So for her, I'm going to give her just that.

Humihingal ako ng ipinasya kong lumabas na ng gym. Dumiretso ako sa kusina.

Bahagya pa akong nagulat ng pagdating ko doon, nandoon na si mommy na nakapamewang.

I groaned inwardly.

Sa totoo lang kasi, isa ito sa mga taong iniiwasan kong makita sa mga nagdaang linggo.

Nagpatuloy ako sa dahan dahang paghakbang. Bahagya pa akong napapitlag ng magsalita ito.

"Seat by the counter Denny." Mariin nitong utos.

Nag-alangan ako at napalunok ng dumapo ang istriktong tingin nito sa akin.

It broke no argument.

I sighed before giving in. "Yes mom." I mumbled. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod sa sinabi nito.

Isang plato ang inilagay nito sa harap ko kapagkuwan.

"Eat."

It wasn't a request but a command.

I bit my lip before started eating. Kung makikita ko ang sarili ko ngayon, aakalain kong bumalik ako sa pagkabata.

Tumikhim ako.

"Sino ang kasama ni daddy?"

"Huwag mong alalahanin ang daddy mo. Kaya na niya ang sarili niya." Sagot nito.

"Hindi nyo naman kailangang pumunta pa dito to cook.. I can do it myself.."

Nalunok ko ng di oras ang pagkain ko ng kumunot ang noo nito sa akin.

Nice move Aiden. I silently congratulated myself for pissing of my own mom.

"Wala na ba akong karapatan na ipagluto o asikasuhin man lang ngayon ang kaisa-isa kong anak?"

I closed my eyes shut, then groaned.

"Mom.. you know that is not what I meant.."

"At ano Aiden? For pete's sake, I'm getting worried here. Kami ng dad mo."

Nagbaba ako ng tingin. "There's is nothing to be worried about.."

She sighed, "You can lie to everybody all you want, but not to this woman." Saad nito na itinuro ang sarili. "I know when there's something wrong with my baby."

Ngumiti ako ng tipid, "But I'm not a baby anymore mom.."

"Sa inaasta mo, daig mo pa ang isang bata."

Umangat ang kilay ko dito.

"Kung hindi eh bakit ka nagmumukmok dito sa condo mo? Ni hindi ka pumapasok sa trabaho."

"I'm doing my job here just fine."

"You know that is not what I meant!" Mariing sabi nito bago tumingin ulit sa akin. "Ever since she----" Agad nitong pinutol ang sasabihin nito saka bumuga ng hangin. "You know you can always talk about it to us. Nandito kami ng dad mo. Talk to us.. hindi iyong sinasarili mo ang problema mo.."

I smiled at her tenderly. Then sighed.

Argh! Bumabalik ka na ata talaga sa pagkabata, Aiden! Don't you fucking dare tear up!

"Mom... I'm fine."

He felt pathetic.

For the first time, he felt pathetic.

"Denny.. I know you're not.." Masuyong sabi nito.

I bit my lip. Trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I just... I just miss her mom.."

Lauren looked at her son. He's miserable, she can tell. And god! How it hurts her seeing him living like this is ten times worst than the pain she'd felt when she gave birth to him!

"It's not too late, son.. Talk to her. She'll understand. Make her understand that everything you've done is not meant to hurt her."

"I.. I honestly don't know how to start."

"Start by telling her the truth..

Ang..

Ang katotohanan tungkol sa pagkatao mo."

I snapped my head upwards. Shocked at what I've heard.

His mother just smiled.

"I know. We know. Your dad and I."

"H-how.."

Shock is an understatement! Hindi niya alam kung ano ang sasabihin! Para siyang tinakasan ng sarili niyang boses!

Noticing his shocked expression, his mother saved him the task of asking how they came to know about it.

"Remember when we visited your place in New York? Well your dad... he... accidentally read your mission about a drug syndicate that you need to settle.."

I swallowed hard. It took him almost two minutes before replying.

"Then why... bakit hindi nyo sinabi sa akin? Why didn't you ask?"

"We wanted you to tell us yourself. Let's just say na.. ayaw ka naming pangunahan. Telling us is your decision. Ayaw naming tanggalin iyon sa iyo. And we respect your decicion to be silent about it. Your dad and I understand. It would never make us love you any less.."

God...

Now what Aiden? Now what..

"Son. If Dominica really loves you, she'll understand."

Nanatili akong tahimik.

"Kung hindi niya man iyon maintindihan.. kung hindi niya matanggap, then it means you're both better of with somebody else."

I stiffened.

Somebody else?

Dominica in the arms of another man?

Fuckin. No.

I don't want anybody else.

And she will never be with any other man.

Hell will freeze over before he let that happen.

"She's mine."

Mine alone.