The Books that Never made it

Unplanned, but planned out

Chris sat on the bed with his head in his hands. He sat motionlessly. I sat on the toilet in the bathroom, my hands clasped together while my legs shook randomly. I could feel my heart beating anxiously.

The pregnancy test sat on the counter by the sink. It had been a few minutes now, but I didn’t dare look at it until it was time.

        I knew something was wrong after the first couple months when I hadn’t gotten my period. Then when I’d missed a whole month, I worried. I had never wanted to tell Chris, he’s always had so much going on lately. Band, guitar, homework extra classes. Admitting that he could be a father would ruin him. He didn’t do well under pressure.

I let my palm rest on my stomach that was flat. I wondered if there was any life in there, inside of me, a part of me, new life. I’ve always wondered about teen pregnancy, but I never thought it would ever happen to me. Chris and I were always careful, but there are loopholes in everything you do, I guess.

        I lifted my head to the test that sat looking lonely. I sighed and stood, walking over to it. It had been enough time; I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look now. With shaking hands I took the test in my fingertips and let my gaze drift over it.

        Pregnant, 1 month.

I could feel my stomach drop. It didn’t just drop; I actually thought I felt something move. I must’ve made a noise in my throat, because Chris lifted his head from his hands and got up form my bed and came over beside me.

        “What—what does it say?” he said looking at me with narrowed eyes.  

I shook my head covering my mouth with my hand.

He took the test from me and read it. The corner of his mouth twitched. “What does this mean?”

I didn’t say anything. I just reached down into the waste basket and brought out the torn into package.

        “No…no…no,” he mumbled tossing the test on to the floor along with the package and went back into my bedroom and started pacing, grabbing his hair and reefing on it.

I felt tears flow down my cheeks as guilt swarmed me.

        “Goddamit!” he seethed. “I can’t fucking have a kid!”

I jumped back at his words and felt my shoulders shake as I sobbed. He glanced over to me as if he’d just noticed I was there. He bit his lip and looked down shamefully.

        “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap on you,” he said bringing me close to him. I left my head fall against his chest as his chin rested on my head. “We’ll figure this out, we will.”

I nodded as I wiped a tear from my cheek. I could feel the evil growing life inside me as I smiled joyously.