The Books that Never made it

And that's when I blacked out

My hands were shaking in my lap as I sat in the waiting room. The oral medication slowly melted like an icicle in the sun underneath my tongue. Part of the shaking was probably because I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since midnight last night. I could feel my insides grumbling and moaning impatiently. It wanted food and the anxiety to flow out of my system wasn’t making my slow starvation any better. Little bursts of adrenaline rushed through me, making me shiver and wish I was at home in my snug little bed.

The place smelled clean and sterilized—obviously people got dissected here. My nose twitched and itched to sneeze, but I didn’t dare. I didn’t want to startle the woman who read her book silently beside me.

I leaned over nonchalantly and checked the name.

Friends forever?

I’d never read it. It sounded like one of those eerie paranormal stories where the ghost has separation anxiety.

          “Alright, we’re ready for you,” said a nurse with glasses and her brown hair tucked up into a bun.

I looked up abruptly and tucked my IPod away into my pocket, my legs a bit wobbly from the sedation I took. I slowly walked towards the room.

          “Who’s with you, hun?” the nurse asked.

I blinked and turned back to my parents who watched me warily. My dad suddenly stepped forward and I quickly mumbled, “My dad.” I looked grimly over to my mom who I wouldn’t see clearly without being cross-eyed for a while.

The doctor who I’d met on a previous occasion, waited for me in the room, looking superficial and grim. All doctors and dentists did. I wondered what their problem was. They were the ones who got to do what they wanted, cause pain and laugh when people fainted from fear. They had the good life.

          “Take a seat,” he said reaching over to his little table for the needle I so much dreaded.

I tensed up, looking away, knowing what was about to happen. I didn’t want to see it.

          “No, don’t do that,” he warned. “Or I’ll have to do it again.”

There was pressure and some pressure in my forearm. It took everything inside me not to flinch or cry out.

One of the two nurses that surrounded me, placed heart monitors on my chest and arm. Another woman shoved extra oxygen up my nose. Hands were everywhere and it was almost overwhelming.

I looked over at the doctor who asked me the usual conversation starters, trying to keep me sidetracked from what he was doing to my arm. Sometimes I wondered if they thought we were stupid, just cattle, used to experiment on and too dumb to see the whole picture.

I mumbled answers I didn’t put work into saying. My dad was over behind the chair signing the consent for the procedure. It was almost like I was being sold to aliens to be probed for good pleasure.

          I winced as I saw the needle resurface and plunge itself back down into the plastic tube.

          “In just thirty seconds, you’ll be out and we can start,” the doctor said with a happy tone that I looked down upon. Why so happy when you’re about to tear into me and rip out valuable pieces of my body I could’ve needed?

I blinked a couple times, the light around me dimming.

          “That’s a good girl,” the surgeon cooed, his icy black eyes gazing at me hungrily. He smiled, flashing his sharp shark teeth.

My stomach dropped and I could see my heart rate start to jump on the monitor. I gripped the arms of the chair as the nurses tied me down with a tight sharp wire, their eyes black and howling with an evil cackle as the wire sliced into my skin, blood oozing down my arm.

I can fight this, I can…and that was when I blacked out.