Intoxicated

Words more beautiful than silence

Chapter 24★

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Char

How am I supposed to be feeling right now? If you could just let me know what is says in the script I'd happily be obliged to voice them.

"Everything has turned to shit." I muttered to myself as I forced my legs to propel me forwards.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm in a state of denial, hell I would probably go as far to say, I'm hallucinating conversations that haven't even occurred.

Fede has been giving me distance, which thankfully I don't know how I would be able to survive without. Jacques is at my beck and call whenever I need him, but part of me feels like I'm abusing my power over him.

"Fede doesn't care anymore, Harvey is missing in action and Jacques is probably moving on with his life." I sighed to myself. The three guys I needed right now where all out there living their lives, proving that I wasn't necessarily significant to theirs.

They're all trying to contact me, check on how I am. It irritates me that they just need to know to pretend they care. I wouldn't mind just dropping off their radars or maybe the face of this earth, for just a couple minutes of silence.

I've been spending hour upon hour sitting on top of the roof of my complex, bumming a smoke which is strange for me. I haven't done this since I was a teenager, the funny part about it is that I don't feel a day over seventeen.

"I like us better when we're wasted." I hummed to myself.

These cigarettes usually manage to soothe my nerves for long enough to feel slightly further from my own dormant life, although they do fail to solve any real issues. False hope.

I hadn't noticed the body that had approached my proximities until he uttered a familiar phrase, " Alright little Rose bud, how are we?"

He'd coined this nickname off my last name and from his colleague Dr. Rose. His empathetic question made me realise how long it had been since I had been brought back down to earth and out of the senseless escapades I found myself tied up in.

I knew Terrence voice better than my own, he was the closest piece of my Dad that I had left and his voice never failed to soothed my mood. "Terry, what took you so long to find me?" I gazed out and took a drag of the toxic cancerous stick I chose to stick back into my mouth.

A statement that my choices of adolescence were my own. I was so shallow it hurt my head. But I still preferred to rebel against a society that was already numb to my actions, as they had become the new trend that I wanted to experiment with.

"I knew you were up here, bud. But unlike your unruly siblings, I thought better of it. Sometimes you forget how long I've known your family, Lots. I treat you all like your my own and I know when something is up with you. You haven't left this building in over a month, so you think I wouldn't have noticed?" He chuckled to himself.

"Although you hate me stating the facts, you aren't that different to the rest of your family, Lots. Even though you try to put a wall up. I know I've still got a little Rose Bud behind that mask you like to put up." He pulled her shoulder against his in a friendly attempt to show her he really was there for her.

At this sign of affection she started to whimper silently, it was almost inaudible but Terry could feel her tiny frame vibrate vigorously underneath his jacket. " Terr ... Terr ... I just don't get how I'm expected to just cope with how everything ended so abruptly." Her face was stained as acidic droplets meandered across her cheek.

"You were never expected to cope, Lots. None of us ever thought this was going to be easy for you or for any of us. But we have to hang on in there for each other and for her. It's what she wanted." He placed a reassuring kiss on her forehead. She began to calm down after he changed the subject onto other hysterical matters.

"So what else is on your mind, little one?" He whispered as they inspected the skyscrapers that decorated the view that they tried to lose themselves in.

"It's just boy troubles."

"They're probably my favourite to listen to." Terry mustered another chuckle, "Has it got something to do with those two lads, I usually see you toing and froing between?"

Terry was one of Char's treasured people to unload all her troubles to. It had something to do with the fact that he wasn't her father, that she felt so relaxed in his company. She had such sympathy for him as he'd lost his daughter not long ago due to a boating accident, that she knew he didn't like to discuss.

Ever since then, he's been so eager to be there for her, more than he previously had. She thought it had something to do with his mourning mechanism, but Char had no problem with his shoulder to rest her head on and maybe allow some secrets to tumble out willingly.

He was so easy to talk to, at times she didn't even know of her sentences made much sense. As she usually turned off all her senses of acute awareness. She trusted him with her life.

Her Father and Terrence had worked closely together for far too many years, for him to not remind her of the kind heart her Father had always possessed. She missed him, but bitterly and hardly ever thought of his existence when her own life accumulated so many obstacles blocking her way.

Char scowled herself for neglecting thoughts of Mark, her guardian angel. Sorry Dad. Sorry Mum. I've let you down again.

"It might Terr, but I don't think it's as easy as you might think. I like them both for completely different reasons, but it just seems impossible to pick between them. They don't get on at all, if they did I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. "

Char left out a sigh of relief. She knew that this was her real concern besides the grief that she kept stored away from the naked eye. She just didn't know who to pick?

"Can I give you some advice bud?" Terry stroked her hair as she closed her eyes in defeat to her exhaustion, "Promise me you won't go around handing out pieces of your heart to these boys, they don't deserve a segment of your beauty."

Terry felt a tinge of guilt for giving advice he himself had never listened to, but he knew she had already fallen asleep by this point.

Poor Rose bud, she was just getting used to the strange anatomy of her own emotions. He couldn't help but feel proud that she was growing her delicate petals. But he wasn't sure she if she knew who was worthy of sharing her beauty with?

"Terr Harvey's getting married." Char sobbed into his shoulder, "And I think I care a lot more than I should."

"Why's that, honey?"

"Because he told me that he wished it was me."

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