Intoxicated

Numb a coping mechanism

Chapter 26

★·.·✶·.·★·.·✶·.·★
Federico

Quisiera que estuvieras aquí conmigo.

I wish you were here with me, by my side; I'd never let you out of my sight.

I know it wasn't the official recognition of movement that I needed, but you opened your eyes today and that eloping numbness disappeared ever so slightly, for the tiniest of seconds. Hope returned briefly.

Our irises locked in a glance that made my heart start beating again and I realised how much I'd longed to be reunited with those gems.

I had to remind myself that you weren't meaning to be selfishly locked far away from my state of awareness, you were being kept hostage by the spirits who were choosing to punish your pure soul for trying to dictate your destiny.

I knew you wouldn't remember your first awakening due to the vigorous amounts of pain killers that were swimming through your system, but I decided to cherish the secret encounter; it filled my lungs with enough hope, that we were going to make it through whatever fog we were trapped in that moment.

Right then I made a vow that I would stick by you no matter what, but reflecting now I should apologise for failing to do so, Amore.

I brought some springs of lavender to your bed side table, they remind me of how infixed you are with my natural oder. I hope this sense will bring you back to me, somehow.

Lotta I forgive you, you don't need my forgiveness to come back but just know that I do.Quiero estar contigo para siempre. I want to be with you forever, my love.

Most people know that when you are no longer just acquaintances with an emotion such as depression, it rests at the back of your mind - constantly taunting your thoughts until it can no longer hide. I tried so hard to not think about my cousin's death but every time I caught myself neglecting it I felt guilty.

I was so naive and stupid, I should of realised that he wasn't okay, I should of looked after him on his birthday, I was selfish and only wanted to please myself.

How can you let someone else's life slip through your fingers and expect not to wear their blood on your sleeve.

Everyone thought we got into a fight in the bathroom, no one believed my side of the story. I was the responsible one, I should I have controlled my anger they told me. I stopped denying their allegations after a while.

I never agreed to their speculations, but being a murderer was one accusation, killing a relative was different.

It pained my mother to stand up for me every occasion someone threw their spiteful comments my way, after a while she gave up too.

She didn't accept it, none of us accepted it, but she decided to ignore it. To ignore my existence.

Lotta made my pain into crystals of gratitude, I started appreciated the life I'm living for not just myself but for Felipe too.

Seeing him on that state made me want to join him in his ambiotic sleep, but instead I took a piece of his soul in my back pocket and he was with me everywhere I went. Lotta had sadness dwelling deep inside her too, I could sense it.

She never mentioned it, but it was a mass of negative energy that vibrated from her. She was so too gentle to voice it.

I knew that it pained her to neglect those emotions but I couldn't really pry them out; it would be too hypocritical of me.

Felipe would have loved Lotta she was a kindred spirit and he too was ever so introverted.

But she stopped sharing things with me one day, almost as if a piece of her had died too, crossed over into the spirit world and I was no longer in the companionship of my true love.

Just a human being who I was attracted to. We were sitting watching a movie one night and she got a text from someone, she never showed me who.

As soon as her eyes uncoded the message she didn't seem to really be with me, physically she was but mentally and spiritually she had floated away.

She appeared hypnotised in a trance that none of my efforts could rescue her from. I'm not saying that I left her because she was unhappy.

I'm saying that I tried everything I could in those weeks to resasitate her, but we argued about nothingness and I could fee her pushing me away.

I walked away because she ran, she never came back one night after she went on a run. She didn't answer my calls, she wasn't at work; she had managed to worm her way out of my grasp.

My anxiety levels sky rocketed and I couldn't stop thinking about my cousin. She left my Lotta was unobtainable he left my, my family was non existent and this point; so it was just me. I felt lonely for once I finally admitted it and somehow I could accept it.

I went I her apartment everyday, asked Terrence whether he'd seen her, begged him to tell me any anything ounce of detail he knew. He knew her the best out of anyone I'd ever met.

He was delightful and charming and she seemed to enjoy his company and yet he knew nothing.

Then I came by on the day that she had a reemerged to the surface and he told me she looked a mess and was going to have a shower.

I scampered up the stairs, taking two at a time to double my chances of catching her, before she escaped away from me for the final time. As I violently hounded the door open with fist, it wouldn't budge.

She had double locked the door; she never double locks the door. I could her the thunderous drone of water over flowing from her bathroom, but at this point I wasn't concerned about that.

I just needed to see her beautiful pale completion and embrace those delicate lips. I rummaged under the door mat and was surprised to find the key had disappeared just like she had two weeks ago.

Suddenly panick set in and I barged at the door in a state of shock as I realised the hypothetical reasoning as to why the roaring flow of water was echoing in my ears.

★·.·✶·.·★·.·✶·.·★

✶ Please comment,
vote & add to reading lists;
if you enjoy reading this book.✶

― There is no new beginning. No second chance. You turned to me and I wasn't there.You are dead. If I had taken your call, you would be alive.It's as blunt as that.I'm sorry. ―

― Rosamund Lupton ―