Intoxicated

Shattered reflection

Chapter 19★

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Char

Today, wasn't supposed to make me feel like this. 

Our anniversaries was coming up and all I feel is guilty, like a deer caught in the headlights of a life house being penetrated by that blinding white light.

"How the fuck am I suppose to react to all of this." I sighed.

Fede, found my thinking spot, the location where I can vacate everything for just a couple of hours and it's made me feel disorientated. I know it shouldn't be over thinking all of this.

I should have realised soon enough, he'd been picking lavender and placing it by my bedside table the past few weeks.

Although he loves the stuff, he usually didn't have time to do these heartfelt gestures.

I guess he was just making time to get to know me. After all these years, I still hadn't told him everything.

It was possibly one of the most romantics evenings I've ever experienced, but the voice at the back of my mind kept on twitching in surprise.

How long has he known, that this is where I go here for some head space?

Does he know about Jacques? Is the real question I'm asking myself.

Why am I so selfish, why can't having one person be enough.

Why do I need multiple, why am I trying to implode on my relationship with the one I'm destined to? Why am I trying to mess with the course that destiny has already drawn out?

I know that something one day would punish me for trying to dictate it myself and I'm dreading it. My body spammed at the though of things being disrupted in our relationship.

He's my everything.

I can't stop my sub-conscious from judging my actions, but somehow they only seem to click after I've done them.

I blinked in awe of the text message that had just blinked up on my phone.

12:27am
Harvey:

Char, it's Lis - she's missing.
Call me.

H.

Before any falter of hesitation I await the reassurance of Harvey's voice. Pins and needles dug into my voice box, I was struggling to breath and search for calm words.

"Harvs."

"Char."

"What's going on? Where's Lisa? What do you mean she's missing?"

"Char, when I said she's missing I sorta meant something else. Char, it would be a lot easier to have this conversation in person."

"Harvey, what's going on. You haven't spoken to me in a couple of years and now you're telling me that my old best friend is missing of course, I'm confused."

"Char, she's been missing for a year and we haven't been able to track her down. The reason why I called you was because she sent you a letter."