Intoxicated

Spirit animal

Chapter 15★

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Char

Sometimes when I put pen to paper; I  find that for a couple of hours I can really lose myself.

Harvey has always been able to understand this and that's why I write to him as often as I can.

Dear Harvey,

I miss you.

Uni starts next week and I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.

I'm in love with the idea of being in love, the fantasy that has fed my addiction from ever since I can remember.

Remember when we were younger and used to make up stories of finding our other half?

I think I might have found him.

I entered this world alone and I promised myself I wouldn't be leaving it in the same way.

I never thought I would find anyone, I've always felt so undesirable. I knew I was attractive in the sense that everyone is, it just depends on your taste.

I mean, I've always acknowledged the opposite sex found me desirable, but that's different. It doesn't require feelings or acceptance from them.

That grotesque phase of my life only required being suggestive and I was good at pretending. I've never felt connected to any of them.

They were just lifeless souls, I was forced to fill my hours with. I made a rule with myself; that it was meaningless until you knew the colour of their eyes; then it became something else.

If you could see into the colours behind their ego; their true self would appear and I wasn't interested in making false promises to anyone.

You could say they were apprenticeships for the real thing, but I don't like to objectify feelings like that, especially those concerning myself.

Until the magnetic field between Fede and I was re aligned. I even sense irritation rising as I had to wait this long to be allowed to collide with him.

Luckily, we had been in the same place at the wrong time.

"Char are you gonna be ready soon?" Fede banged on my bedroom door which interrupted my writing flow.

"Hang on a minute" ... Or maybe ten, I realised to myself as I returned to my ink pen.

I feel like my body is constantly thriving on an endless high. I'm ridiculously happy all the time, it makes me want to cry.

I'll admit it only to you, that I cry so much more than I used to; but I promise they're not because I feel alone anymore. It's quite the contrary.

I don't think smoking any illegal substances could give you this sensation, it probably seems implausible that the mere presence of another could medicate a countless production of endorphines being released simultaneously.

I dare you to try it, but I know that everyone has a different perception of the same stimulation.

But right now I feel like for once in my life, I'm actually fulfilling some form of destiny that I was intended to.

I've never been a soppy romantic and you know that, but I can't fight the pure pleasure that engulfs my entire body when he introduces me to the  way his eye's interpret everything.