Evening Sun: The Saga Continues

Chapter 41

Evening Sun

Chapter 41

“Bella I don’t know what to do, I just don’t.”  Jacob whispered, his head down.

~~~

Jacob had phased, when the anger in losing Nessie hit him.  He phased and ran into the forest. 

I decided to follow him.

I waited for him to cool down, and after a while he phased back and came back to me.  I was sitting on a log, listening to all the sounds around me.  The birds chirping, frogs croaking…

They all sounded so happy.

And I was stuck here, feeling lost and like dying. 

But I knew it was harder on Jacob Black.  He physically needed her to live, and now she’s gone.  I fear he will make a mistake, and leave me too, forever.  I could never do that to Edward, I need him like Jake needs Nessie.  

That reminded me of when Edward left a few years back.  That’s how Jacob must be feeling.  I frowned, knowing Jacob isn’t very good at dealing with negative emotions.

~

“I know how you feel, Jake.  I really do.”  I sighed, and rubbed his back with my cold hand.  I thought maybe that wasn’t very comforting, so I lowered my hand.

“Bella…”  He whispered.  He looked up, and locked eyes with me.  His face was the complete expression of total heartbreak.  “I keep expecting her to come back.”  Tears formed on the corners of his eyes, and he blinked.  They fell down his tanned face that was always so strong.  His barriers have been broken, crushed.  

They’re gone.

“So do I.”  I said softly, looking out at the sunset.  The evening sun.  I couldn’t stand looking at his face so distraught; it hurt me just as much as it hurt him.  I can’t stand seeing him hurt.

Slowly, I realized I was trying to stay strong for my best friend.  Usually it’s Jake who stays strong, and keeps me going through things. 

But when you’re both hurt, who is supposed to be the strong one?

Jacob sniffed and wiped his eyes.  “Theres no point in life anymore.”  He muttered, and stood up to leave.

“Jake!”  I yelled, even though he was so close and can always hear me.  Him saying those words, shook me to the bone.  I can’t lose him, too.  “Jake you take that back right now.”  I said, rather harshly.

His face scrunched into a rude glare.  “Why should I?  I love Nessie… Now she’s gone.  You’re Eddie’s reason for existence; Ness is mine.”

He had a point.  If I died, Edward would go to the Volturi to die also.

Those were the same thoughts Jacob was thinking.  I could see them cross his mind.  His face lightened for a split second, then fell again.  

“I know what to do.”  He said softly, turning around and starting to walk away.

“Jacob!”  I screamed, and ran to block him.  If this was going to end up to be a fight, so be it.  He can’t hurt me, anyways.  He loves me.  “Jacob don’t do this.”  I begged, my eyes pleading.

His face softened, as he took in my desperate stare.  “I need to go, I have nothing else to do.”  The words came out shaky and unsure.

I needed to change his mind, and I would do anything to make him stay.

“You can’t die… because she did.  Or else I would have gone to Aro, too.”  It was hard for me to speak of this.  I pushed back the crushing feeling in my chest, and focused on Jacob.

He shook his head.  “That’s not true.  You’re still loved.  You have the bloodsucker.”  He gestured towards the direction of the cottage.

“Nessie was a part of me.”  I realized I said was, and took it back. “Is.  She is a part of me.  I lost her… and Jacob I know you feel like there’s no happiness in the end but there is.”  

“You can’t prove that.”  He growled deep in his throat.

“You felt sad.  Then that hole slowly creeped in your chest.  Right here,”  I pointed in the middle of my ribs.  “It feels like all your positive feelings are being sucked into it.  Jacob this is the second time I’ve been like this, I would know.  Then you get angry at everything.  You want to kill everyone, and thrash out into a rampage.  Then you just simply don’t know what to do anymore, and everything seems like it’s coming to an end and you just want out.  Jacob that’s not the right thing to do.”  I felt like a big boulder was taken off of my chest.  I said what I felt, and it seemed to help.  Like a big rush of pain shot out of me.

“Then tell me what I need to do, Bella!”  He yelled, clenching his fists.

I couldn’t think straight.  I just needed him to have some comfort, and feel loved.  I did the only thing I could imagine. 

I mean, it worked last time.

“Kiss me.”