Unable To Love//Lucaya

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It took us a while to get to the coffee shop since Lucas isn't very good on his crutches. We were sitting in a booth talking about random things, when I looked over his shoulder and saw someone walk in through the door that I just barely recognized. I looked down at my coffee in my hands immediately to avoid making any eye contact. Lucas must have noticed my sudden change in behavior, because he reached over and placed his hand on my own. I flinched from the sudden contact, causing him to pull away.

"Maya, what's going on? You were fine two seconds ago?" He asked looking around the small shop.

"I'm fine, Huckleberry thanks for asking."

"Oh come on! Huckleberry, really?"

"Yup. You know, I never really liked it when Rebecca said it but now that I've said it, its staying" I said with a smirk.

On Lucas' old show "The Cowboy", there was a character, Rebecca, who always teased him and called him these nicknames, such as Huckleberry.

"No, it's not" he said, all too confidently.

"You think you have power over me Ranger Rick? Or should I call you Sundance instead? What was the other nickname? Mucky McCorn Chip? Copy McCat Dog? Oh yeah! That's right, it's Buc-"

"Hey Maya."

I froze. Just his voice brought back so many awful memories. I cringed and tightly shut my eyes, trying to convince myself that he wasn't actually there. Just my imagination. But he just had to speak again.

"Maya?"

I took a deep breath before replying.

"Hey, Brandon."

"Aw, why so formal? I thought I told you I liked being called Rebel" he said, a sly smirk plastered on his face.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't face him knowing the awful things he did to me that can never be erased from my memory. No matter how hard I try. Just knowing that he could act all natural, even with what he did, brings tears to my eyes. I blinked them back before they could escape.

"Hey, I'm Lucas," he held out his hand to Brandon.

"Uh, did I ask what your name was Friar? Do you think I live under a rock? Well, I mean, if you count living in a jail cell without any access to television then-"

"Why are you here?" I spoke up, getting really irritated with this entire situation.

"Ah, she speaks! Well if you must know, I was released yesterday and I was actually going to look for you tomorrow but I ended running into you here! What a coincidence." I was really tempted to just slap that smirk right off his face.

"Released? From where? Maya, who is this?"

"Oh, I see your boyfriend doesn't know as much about you as he thinks he does. Well, why don't I tell you more about her."

"You wouldn't dare" I looked him dead in the eye, with a cold glare.

"Oh I would. You see Friar, I am a very special someone to Maya. The memories that we share are ones that are always remembered forever. Maya, does my buddy Lucas here even know that you're not a virg-"

"Stop! Just stop, okay!?!" I screamed, while in tears, jumping up from my seat and pressing my finger on his chest. "Listen, I don't know why you feel the need to ruin my life again. But, I'm really confused as to why I deserve it. Well, actually, you know what? I do know why. This must be my punishment for trusting you to be my friend. I can't believe that I was that stupid to believe that you were going to help me that night. I never would have guessed that you would- " I paused and took a shaky breath before continuing. "I thought you were going to just help me. Maybe lay me down and give me some pain killers. Wow was I stupid. But you know what? It is my fault. Because I never should have trusted you. And I definitely shouldn't have let you do those things to me that I can't take back. Do you know what its like to live with the fact that I don't even remember it. The only thing that I have is the constant pain I get when I think of your face as I chugged down all those drinks. But I wouldn't expect you to understand, I mean, you obviously don't have a care in the world for who you sleep with. Or whether they want to do it with you or not. No. You just do whatever the hell you want and you live with it! How? I will never know. But you are- you are such an inconsiderate, backstabbing, careless bastard that I somehow ended up with. So why don't you just leave me alone and go rape someone else." I slapped him in the face and stormed out of there. I didn't hear anyone following but I'm not surprised. Why would Lucas come after me? After figuring out all that. After finding out that I lied to him about so much. All the secrets I kept. I don't deserve someone like him. He deserves to be with someone who isn't as messed up as I am.

I ran home and locked myself in my room. Once again, my mom wasn't there to comfort me. But this is the last time. The last time I come back to a broken home. No more. No more pain. No more memories. I'm starting over.

Completely.

I packed two bags. One with as many cloths as I could fit and all my necessities, and one with as much food that I could find in our house. I wrote a small note for my mom and left it on my bed. It read:

I'm leaving. Don't try to look for me because you won't find me. I'm leaving my phone so don't try to call. And don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I've been through so much and I'm still here. I just couldn't stand being in this house anymore. It has too many memories. Memories I would like to leave in the past. I'm starting over. I love you for being there when you can, but you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm gone. I send my love.

Your daughter,
Maya Penelope Hart

I took one last look at my old home. Where I grew up. I almost ended up not leaving. But then I remembered why I was doing this. While there are many childhood memories here. There are also ones I would like go forget. I would just have to keep telling myself that. This is the only way I can get past all this. Starting over.

I turned around, closed the door, and started walking to the subway. I took all the money from my college savings so I had some money to at least get around. I got to the subway station, got on a random train, and just let it take me wherever it wanted to.