Drama Queen (Kurt Cobain)

75

River was gone.
He left no trace, no track.
No indication that he ever existed to begin with.

It was as if he was a mirage, a funhouse mirror image, a collective hallucination.

A cautionary tale.

But then he returned, his gentle tan skin settling in a heap beside me. His bones cracked as he fell into the warm abyss that was the bed.
"I thought you'd be asleep by now." He smiled noticing that I was awake. I nodded.
"What happened with Kurt earlier?" He asked. I shrugged a bit.
"You can tell me you know." He smiled.
"I'd rather not talk about it." I sighed. My eyes were trained on his hands. I grabbed one and held it in mine. He gently squeezed my hand. I propped myself up on my elbows and gently kissed him, not caring. And then, moments after moments. it progressed.

Cocooned within a threadbare sheet, I inhaled, breathed in starlight. Charged particles, antimatter. And choke back doubt and guilt. Through the thin layer of fabric that swaddled us, bare skin, River's ribs expanded and contracted, pressed against my own. He slept soundly. In the middle of the night his pulse smooth, safe. Tucked tightly into a warm, worn nest. Quiet snores escaped his open mouth, his gentle arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

As I skate the knife edge, between wake and sleep, between conscious and trance. Between worry and safety. A truth floats to the surface. It dances like a whisper, a secret, a code.

I had sunk lower than Kurt had.
I had been unfaithful with someone he trusted. In the same bed that he had done the same thing with his ex wife. We weren't together, but it was known.

Maybe we weren't meant for each other after all.

All good things come to an end. I couldn't think, I could not have a simple thought. I could not acknowledge River's breathing, his orbit. I could not acknowledge what I had done. I could not come to terms with what I had done. I could not let Kurt know.

but if I didn't: guilt would eat away at me.
but if I did: I would lose the only sense of family that I had.

It may have seemed irrational at the time, but for me.

there was one answer.

Kurt couldn't be angry if I was dead.

Sorry if I don't update regularly, I have two other stories, one that I enjoy updating,(read it, radio killed the radio listener, self promo) And I also have multiple zines, it's hard to find time. I started out writing 1000 word chapters, but I can't do that anymore. I apologize. I'll update this until 100, and maybe make a second book if I can find ideas and if you'd like???