Drama Queen (Kurt Cobain)

37

I couldn't sleep that night. My mind was clouded with issues, and River's couch was really uncomfortable. At about 10 there was a phone call. I got up to answer it.
"Hello." I said.
"It's Kurt." He said. He sounded as if he'd been crying.
"Oh." I said quietly.
"I just wanted to apologize." He said and then let out a shaky breath.
"It's okay, Kurty. I'm sorry too." I said to him. He sighed,
"When are you gonna come home?" He asked quietly.
"I'll be home tomorrow morning. It's too late tonight." I said.
"Okay. I love you, have a good night." He said happily.
"You too." I said and then hung up the phone. I sighed and sat on the kitchen floor. An hour or two later River came in and picked me up. He carried me to his couch and I laid there silently.
"You okay?" He asked.
"Yeah. I'm just tired. Why are you up this late?" I asked. He shrugged.
"Insomnia."

"Me too." I sighed. He laid down on the couch beside me and rested his head near my shoulder.
"Goodnight." I said.
"Goodnight." He mumbled back.

I woke up the next morning immobilized. My arm was asleep, River had been laying on it all night.
"Rio wake up." I said as. I shook him with my free arm. He shut his eyes tighter and then nuzzles into my neck.
"I'm tired." He whined.
"You can sleep, just get off of me, I can't feel my arm." I laughed.  He let me roll off of the couch and I got up and put on my shoes. He watched intently. Right as I was about to walk out the door he spoke up.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"Kurt called last night. That's why I was in the kitchen. He wants me to go home." I said.
"Oh." River said sadly. He got up and walked towards me. He wrapped me in his arms and held me there for a minute. He acted as if he was never going to see me again, that Kurt would hate him after what I did. I hugged him back.
"Don't worry." I said.
"I have to leave anyways. Pretty soon, next week. New movie." He sighed.
"Oh well. I'll see you when you get back I guess." I said quietly.
"Yeah, I guess." He looked down. I grabbed my bags and he hugged me one last time. He kissed my cheek and I walked out the door. I came crawling back to Kurt yet again.

Jealousy is a strange concept. Especially in the relationship Kurt and I had at the time. I felt that he couldn't be jealous of River. But no matter how much logical thought I could have,
I could not shake the bad feeling about Kathleen. I was jealous. I thought on the walk back to our apartment about moving back to Washington. Just starting over for the third time this year. But I didn't. At that time I never knew what was lurking around the corner. And I wouldn't trade that uncertainty for anything.

Few little fun facts:
I started this book a year ago on the eve of Kurt's birthday.

Ruby's name comes from the last line in the Smashing Pumpkins "Stumbleine"

that's about all I have but after the tragic loss of Henry I got a cat. He's hairless bc I'm allergic to cats. His name is Billy Corgan.