Deadly in Love moments

Not the Same

(Drew's pov)
It hurts, living without Rachel. Even though I went a little too far and I have a small crush on Teresa, I still want Rachel. No girl can ever replace her.
I feel stuck, trapped, hopeless. I'm either glued to my bed or to the floor. I'm trapped in my room and I'd be lucky to get outside my bedroom door, and even luckier to get out the front door. Only Andre or my mom can make me do that.

"Bro, Rachel's out there having the time of her life, but she's gon' regret it dude. That son of a bitch she's fucking with is gonna get 'old' to her. Listen man, you can't let her have this much control over you. It hurts, I know. But it's almost been a month, and you've gotta get yourself together."
Andre speaks from my computer chair, spinning around until he's dizzy.
"You think?"
For the past few weeks, Andre has come over or had me come over so we could hang out. He talks to me, about his past breakups and about girls. He cheers me up with video games, going on walks, getting high, a bunch of guy stuff. And it has helped a little. He's such a good friend.
"Yeah man. You've gotta get out of this place, seriously. Plus, you're—"
A soft knock on my door interrupts our conversation; then my mom opens the door.
"How are you feeling Drew?"
Mom asks with a glance at Andre.
"He's doing better Mrs. Bieber. Do you have any favors for us to do? We need to get outside."
Andre stands up from spinning around in the chair, stumbling a little.
"Oh, uhm, you can go to the grocery store and buy some apples and cinnamon."
Mom smiles warmly at us, with a little concern towards me.
"Sounds like you're making an apple pie."
Andre grabs his hoodie as I stand from my bed.
"Actually I am. It's a treat for you guys."
Mom puts her hand on my shoulder, and I give her a big hug.
"Aw thanks Mrs. Bieber."
Andre kisses her cheek before heading out of my bedroom.
"Stay safe ok?"
Mom runs her hands through my hair and smiles worriedly at me.
"I will mom. I love you."
It's obvious she's concerned, and I hate stressing her out. So maybe I should do more than just grieve all day. Maybe I'm taking this breakup too personal, when it's not my fault in the first place.
"I love you too baby."
Mom smiles, less concerned this time, and follows me downstairs.
"Alright. We'll be right back."
Andre opens the front door before we step outside.
"Apple pie does sound amazing right now. All my mom makes is pre-made cookies and brownies. Don't get me wrong they taste amazing. But it's nothing like homemade pie from scratch."
Andre blabbers as we get in his car.
"Hey, what happened between you and Teresa?"
Andre questions with a slight sense of playfulness.
"I don't know. We made out but I don't think we're dating."
I answer with a simple shrug, not wanting to bring up the thought of Teresa.

I don't think I want another relationship right now. But don't get me wrong. Teresa's beautiful and sweet, and if I could I'd love her. I'm just too lost right now.
"Hm, I guess we'll find out tomorrow, when we go back over there."
Andre pulls into a Target and kills the engine. I just scoff with chuckle.
"C'mon, I want that apple pie."
Andre pushes past me into the store.
"Hey dude, one more year until you can buy me cigarettes."
Andre points to the cigarette boxes behind the cash register.
"Whatever man."
I grin at him, moving on to the food area.
"Here's the plan. You get the cinnamon and I'll get the apples."
Andre suggests and runs off before I can respond. It doesn't matter to me. I'm getting out of the house. That's all that matters.
I walk to the aisle with spices, and I peruse through the spices. There's nutmeg, oregano, cloves, ginger, saffron, and then there's cinnamon.
I grab it and turn around to be face to face with Rachel. My heart falls and I almost drop the bottle of cinnamon.
"Hi."
Rachel weakly smiles while staring at me. She's everything I've been trying to erase for the past 3-4 weeks. Now it's all coming back.
"Hey."
Forcing a smile, I give her a nod and step aside. "Keep walking." I mentally tell myself as my heart races.
"Hey, can you help me find the ginger?"
Then she speaks again, an all to familiar voice that tears me up all over again.
"Sure."
I almost start running away, but for some unknown reason I stop and turn around. It's like the closer I get to her, the more of a waste my recovery has been. Everything that's been done to get me better is thrown away, obliterated.
I step up to her, about a couple feet away from her, and I totally forgot where I found the ginger. All I know is that I can't think with Rachel this close to me.

But I don't feel tingly or infatuated anymore. I feel panicky, hurt, sorrowful, even angry. Is this what heartbreak does to a person? To a couple? I wonder if she feels the same way I am right now. I doubt it. She probably has a new boyfriend and is living life at its finest.
"Here."
Finally, I spot the ginger and hand it to her. The smile on my face could be counted as a sorry excuse to appear friendly. It's pathetic and sad.
"I'll see you around."
Rachel has some nerve talking to me like we're friends again. We're not the same, like she said. We're strangers now, like she wanted. We're old, like she told me.
"Yeah."
Ok maybe my response is curt and flat, but there's no way to sound anything like she wants me to. Her expectations are too high for me.
I walk away from my heartbreaker and turn right towards the fruit section. As soon as I can't see her anymore, I sigh dramatically and close my eyes. Oh damn, this hurts.
"Aye, what happened to you bro?"
Andre pops up at me, but I remain as low as ever.
"We have to get out of here."
Suddenly, I get this anxious feeling. I don't want to run into Rachel again.
"Why?"
He looks at me intently, waiting for a response.
"Rachel's here."
Walking faster towards the check-out line, I murmur to him.
"Shit. Really?"
Andre's just as bummed and bewildered as I am.
"Yeah. Hurry up."
We run to a cash register and pay before the checkout guy can even state our total. The guy must get the gist, because he gives us our change without the receipt. Andre and I run out of the store and into his car. My body is in lockdown mode. I feel like if I do or say anything else, I'll collapse.
The emotions I'm feeling are intense. I feel hurt by the whole breakup. I feel scared that I'll never get over this girl. I feel angry at how she think we're friends. But most of all, I just want her back.

(A/N: I want to thank you all for being here for me. It means the world to me, seriously.😘😘😘 Next post is on Wednesday)

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