missing | gilinsky

51

Jack Johnson

My room has become unfamiliar to me over the last few months, so it takes me a second to remember where I am when I first wake up.

There's no alarm clock like there used to be. I left that back in New York along with a bunch of my other shit. Only so much could fit in the little book bag Nate gave me when he kicked me out of Gilinsky's apartment.

I turn over on my stomach and swipe my phone from under my pillow to check the time. It's two in the afternoon. What the hell?

Getting out of bed, I half-assedly make it then open up my bedroom door. Looking around I see that the hallway is empty. The house is eerily quiet. Is anyone else home? I tiptoe over to Nadia's room but she's not in there, then I move to Mom's room and see that she's not in there either.

Did they really leave the house without telling me?

Bounding down the stairs I confirm my suspicion when it's evident that I'm the only one home. Feeling defeated, I walk into the kitchen.

I don't know why I'm disappointed that I'm all lone, but I am. I've gotten used to being on my own, but that doesn't mean I like it. What made me think that things would be different now that I was home?

Mom still had work, Nadia still had a life, Dad was still gone. Me coming back here wasn't going to change any of that.

After Dad passed there were plenty of moments that Nadia and I woke up to an empty house with Mom gone for work, and plenty of moments like this one - where I woke up with both Mom and Nadia not home. I remember how there had always been a note on the fridge for us, so I walk to the fridge hoping to find one.

I smile when I do.

Good morning angel. I'm sad to have to go to work your first morning back, I wish I could stay and spend more time with you. Nadia went out shopping for prom with Hannah, Jack and Sam went too. We'll all be home later, if you need anything make sure to call.

Love you lots, #1 Mom

I pout my lips as I finish reading the note. Thinking about prom makes me sick to my stomach. Thinking about being home alone for as long as I think I'll be makes me feel even more sick.

Everyone seems to have their life together; it's as if they've all moved on without me, and that kind of hurts.

I know they all missed me, especially Mom with the way she's been smothering me with affection, but that doesn't change the fact that they all have their own daily routines that don't involve me. I feel even more alone than I was back in New York. At least then I didn't really have any family or friends around that I could be with. Now I do and they're not here.

I don't want to be mad, or feel how I'm feeling right now. I know it's probably nothing personal, but it still feels like a punch to the gut. Like yeah we're glad to have you back but we have other things to be doing than welcoming you home.

Selfish is the word that could be used to describe me right now. All I want is for someone to drop everything they're doing to just be with me, no matter what the consequence. That's the kind of person Dad was, and thinking of him makes the sting of this moment burn even more.

I let myself imagine for a moment that he's still here, and that he's in the kitchen with me making his famous double chocolate sundae for the both of us. Just as I'm about to look in the freezer myself to check for any ice cream, my phone buzzes.

My heart drops, thinking maybe it could be Nadia. Or Hannah. or Sam or Jack, or even my Mom. But it's none of those people. It's an unknown number. Furrowing my eyebrows I unlock my phone and click on the message.