missing | gilinsky

60

Nadia

After Hannah finished her session with the police (she came out white as a ghost, which kind of worried us all) we decided to chill back at my place. 

Mom was cool with it, she even offered to make us dinner but I told her it was fine and to just relax, she's been working her butt off and needed a break. 

The mention of work made me think of Sam, since he had been covering for me at my job at the pool. I hadn't even thought of that, I'd have to call the manager in the morning and talk to him about it. Maybe he'll be willing to give me my spot back. 

But for right now all I wanted to do was forget my troubles and just be with the people I love the most, wishing Sam could be here too. It hurts to do things without him, but it felt the same way when Dad first passed, it takes time to adjust. 

"What's the difference?" I hear Jack ask as I walk into the family room, sporting four medium sized bags of barbecue chips. 

"Pepsi is sweeter," Hannah tells him. 

"Coke tastes more sugary to me though," Gilinsky adds, grabbing a bag from my arms as I sit down on the floor across from him.

"I'm team Pepsi all the way," I say, throwing a bag to Hannah and Jack, keeping one for myself. 

"I knew there was something I liked about you." Gilinsky winks. I roll my eyes at him but can't hide the smile that finds itself tugging at the corner of my lips. He makes me happy, and I'm thankful that he puts up with my shit. 

I can't believe I was almost stupid enough to shut him out after what happened to Sam. If anything, that's when I needed him the most. It's not his fault Justin and Nate are literally the spawns of satan. 

Thinking of what happened between us last night in his jeep, I feel my face grow hot. I should not be replaying that in my mind right now, especially since Hannah and Jack are here. 

"How is everyone?" I blurt, dying to change the subject in my head. 

A silence fills the room as everyone stops nibbling on their chips and debating Pepsi vs Coke. Was that the wrong question to ask? Probably, but I needed to say something, and that was the first thing that came to mine.

"Honestly?" Hannah puts in. "Quite shitty." 

There's a murmur of agreements, and I find myself wanting to get more into the subject. We haven't all really sat together and talked about what was going on, and I think it's time we did. Maybe that's the kind of closure we all needed. 

"I'm quite shitty too," I confess, placing my bag of chips beside me. I'm not really craving a snack anymore. 

"I third that," Jack says. 

We all turn to Gilinsky, who has his head hung low. I scooch over to him, laying an arm over his shoulders. I hadn't really though about how Gilinsky was feeling, I just brushed it off because I figured since he didn't know Sam, he wouldn't have an opinion on the matter. 

That makes me sound like the worst girlfriend ever. All this time I was worrying about Hannah, Jack, and myself, and I didn't bother checking up on Gilinsky. What the hell is wrong with me? 

"What's up?" I ask, concern laced within my voice.

"Can I tell you guys something?" He cautions, lifting his head up. 

"Of course, man," Jack says, moving closer to us. Hannah follows suit so that we're enclosed in a tight circle. 

Gilinsky sighs, letting his eyes close. I figure it's easier for him to open up if he doesn't have to look at us. He's not one to talk about his feelings or anything really that's going on in his life, keeping them mainly to himself. It's taken me forever to even get little bits and pieces out of him, so this is going to be a huge step.