missing | gilinsky

8

"Mom!" I call out after shutting the front door behind me. Jack stands in front of me, taking off his shoes and leaving them on the entry mat. "I'm home!"

"Why are you so late!?" Mom calls back. I cringe, not wanting to tell her about my detention.

"Sorry, Mrs. Johnson, that would be my fault!" Jack answers. My head whips in his direction and I'm tempted to hit him upside the head. 

Mom peeks her head around the corner, wearing her cooking apron. When she sees Jack her face lights up like a Christmas tree. I pray to God that she doesn't embarrass me. "Oh, hello!"

"Hello." Jack shows off his megawatt smile and sticks out his hand. Mom shimmies over to him and takes it, shaking it firmly. I want to claw my eyes out. "I'm Jack." I know Mom doesn't mean to, but when she hears that his name is Jack she flinches. She almost looks hurt. I start to feel bad. 

All this time I've been complaining about myself missing my brother, but I haven't really thought about how it's been affecting her. Her only son and oldest child has been gone for over a month. I feel a pang of guilt and sadness hit me straight in the heart. 

"Hello, Jack." Mom forces a smile on her face, letting go of his hand. "Call me Jennifer, Jenn works too."

"Sure thing," Jack says, his smile weathering a bit. 

I give Mom a look, trying to silently tell her that I'm sorry. She waves her left hand at me, assuring me that's it's fine. Jack seems oblivious to the whole exchange, which I'm thankful for.

"Alright, well Jack and I are going to go up to my room," I tell her.

"Keep the door open," she orders. 

Jack stifles a laugh from beside me and I instantly blush, but don't question her. I take Jack's arm and drag him up the stairs and straight into my room, passing my brother's on the way there. 

"Don't forget to keep the door open," he teases, falling on top of my bed. 

"Shut up," I murmur, sitting down at my desk chair. 

"Does she think we're dating?" He asks. I can tell how amused he is just by listening to his voice. 

"Possibly," I admit, swinging the chair around so I'm facing him. 

"Hannah thought we were dating," he says, picking up one of my pillows and twirling it around. 

I forgot Hannah and Jack even talk. I close my eyes, thinking about all of the things she must have said to him. "Oh God." 

Jack chuckles. "What, is that such a bad thing?"

"You're annoying," I respond, bringing my knees up to my chest. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." 

"You're not funny."

"I like to think I am."

"Do you have any idea where Jack might be?" I blurt. Regret instantly fills me up as I watch Jack's mood change. He gets so defensive whenever I bring up my brother, I should know by now not to bombard him like that.

"I'm right here," he says in a low voice. He knows what I meant, but is choosing to shut me out. An awkward silence fills the room. I'm such an idiot. 

"I wish I hadn't asked that," I say, wrapping my arms around my legs. 

"Me too," Jack agrees. He puts my pillow back where he found it and sits up on my bed. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." I mock.

"You're not funny." He mocks back. 

"I like to think I am."

"Are you just hanging out with me to get answers about Jack?" He wonders. My palms grow sweaty and I have no idea how to answer him. In a sense, yes, that's exactly why I'm hanging out with him. But in another, it's because he's starting to grow on me. I'm starting to like him showing up wherever I am, interrupting conversations that I'm in.

"That question has a complicated answer," I admit, shifting in my seat. I let my feet fall to the ground. He nods, clenching his jaw. I feel like I've hurt his feelings. 

"Ok." Is all he says.

"I like hanging out with you," I tell him, making sure he knows that.

"Alright." He stands up off my bed, walking over to my dresser. 

I should've known he'd treat me cold after I even suggested the fact that I'm using him. I just fucked everything up. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says, quickly. "I get it." 

But he doesn't. Not really. 

"Are you staying for dinner?" I ask, trying to change the subject. 

"No, I think I'm just gonna head home, thanks though." Without saying another word, he walks out of my room, pulling his keys out of his pocket. 

As soon as I hear the front door open then shut, I hop up off my chair and race to my window. I watch him race-walk toward his jeep and get inside. He slams the steering wheel with his fist. He seems to do that a lot when he's angry. I feel immensely horrible. Why didn't I just say no? Anyone else I know would've just said no. We were just starting to get along too.

"Nadia, did your friend just leave?" I hear Mom ask. Her footsteps get louder as she climbs up the stairs and gets closer to my room. 

"Yeah," I say, walking away from my window. The sound of Jack's jeep roaring away in the distance makes me want to scream. 

"Why? Didn't he want to stay for dinner?" 

I sigh. "No, Mom, he didn't want to stay for dinner."

"What's wrong? What happened?" Mom has that concerned look on her face and I want to yell at her to leave me alone but I don't want to upset her too, so I just take a deep breath. 

"Nothing happened Mom, I'm going to take a nap now." 

She looks at me for a couple of seconds before finally deciding to go back to the kitchen. "I'll call you down when dinner's ready," she tells me. 

"Ok," I mumble, closing my door. I flop down on my bed and stare at my ceiling. 

Was Jack really that hurt? I mean I would be too if I found out someone only wanted to be my friend to get some sort of information out of me, but he didn't really know the whole story. Then why didn't I tell him? I don't know because I didn't want him to think I was a loser. But now I feel like a loser so I guess that plan didn't really work out.

It's not my fault that I want answers to my brother's whereabouts. It's not my fault I'm worried. I have no idea why Jack is even talking to me, even started talking to me in the first place. It's not like he would even be here if it weren't for Jack. So in a way I could say that he's using me too. 

Who am I kidding? I'm such a jackass, Jack has every right in the world to be mad at me. I just wish my brother was here to help me fix things. I'm so frustrated. I'm frustrated about a lot of things. Especially things involving boys named Jack. 

I wonder how my name came up during the conversation Jack was having when he was talking to Hannah when she gave him my number. Did she mention me first or did he? Why do I care? I don't. I do. Whatever. 

As I start to think more and more about what exactly I'm frustrated about, it all just comes down to the fact I'm mad that there's a one-hundred percent chance I won't be having lunch with Jack tomorrow. And that scares me. 

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hello lovelys, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I felt as if it was written poorly but I just really wanted you guys to get a sense of how both Jack and Nadia are feeling before getting into the more serious stuff, so this chapter could be classified as a filler. Anywaaaaay, feel free to comment you suggestions and questions and don't forget to vote if you'd like!

-gilinskyshigh