Chapter 5

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Picture's of Jessica and Simon Gregson (lex 's parents)  Played by Lauren Grahem and Matthew Perry 

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Everything has been going great between me and Aria. A month has passed since we went to the lake, a month filled with joy and happiness. We were you’re normal couple at school , holding hands in the halls , kissing under the bleachers, passing notes in class and sleepovers but we didn’t do much sleeping if you know what I mean .

We went to the’ Florence and the Machine’ concert and it was one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to, that and ‘The Beatles’ cover band they were both epic. Aria and I sung along to our favourite songs, danced and made out but that made quite of a scene towards those homophobic people in the crowd, but we didn’t seem to care.  Every thing was perfect until now …

“Atchoo , atchew “ I sneezed waking up Wednesday morning.  I had a huge migraine and a fever. Mom was looking at me with her big sympathetic eyes, but dad didn’t seem to care he acted differently towards me since I came out.

“Simon she can’t got to school like this “Mom said taking out the temperature thermometer from my mouth.“Look a fever of a hundred and three she needs the doctor”.

“She can’t start missing school now it’s just a hundred and three Jessica she won’t die you know” dad said ignoring the fact that I was in the room.

 “Well I don’t care what you think I’m taking her to the doctor and that’s final “Mom said

“Then why are you asking me “he said looking at his watch, “Great I’m late for a meeting they are discussing my next trip and I am not even there”

“Just go then you are no help either way”

“Fine then I’ll see you at dinner” he said leaving the room.

“God your dad drives me insane sometimes he just doesn’t stop nagging” she said while picking up the tissues covered in snot from my bedroom floor.

“You get some more sleep and the second you wake up I’ll take you to the doctor” 

I woke up by the sound of my mobile, I looked at the screen it was Aria calling I guess it’s already lunch. “Hey where are you?  Sally has been sending you messages all morning, are you ok?” she said in her soft yet worried voice of hers

“Hey hun I’m at home sick don’t worry I’ll be back in school in no time.” I said “Good because we miss you “I heard the bell ring in the background “I have to go now I’ll call you after work get well soon “

“Thx babe “I said sounding weird cause of my stuffy nose.

 I couldn’t but help myself from feeling the way I felt towards her.  I hated this felling depending on someone, trusting someone it is such an unfamiliar feeling  that I can’t get used to. I still think that I don’t deserve to be loved especially by someone like Aria who will be there for me threw thick and thin I just couldn’t let myself hurt her.

I got up and went to the bathroom, seeing my bloodshot eyes and my red nose in the mirror I looked like one of those drug addicts. I wore a beanie and some worn out jeans and my comfy cardigan.  

“Ready to go mom?” I said entering the living room she was reading some family magazine on the couch. “Yeah let’s go make you better” she said opining the front door unlocking the car with one of those car remotes.

We arrived at the doctor and there was only one person waiting he looked fine to me, at lest better then me . But on the contrary the person who came out of the doctor’s office was far worse them me, poor thing I thought.

When the doctor finally saw me it was the same old story.

“Cough” Dr Winters said holding her instrument to it felt as cold as ice on my warm back.  I did as she said I coughed, opened my mouth so that she would look at my uvula, holding my tongue down with one of those wooden sticks.

“It’s just a cold it will pass in a few days just take this medicine in the morning and you will be as good as new.”  She said writing down the prescription.

“Mrs Gregson do you mind getting this and waiting for Alexandria outside?” She said handing her the prescription and practically pushing her out the door. I had a confused look on my face as she began explaining why she wanted to talk to me alone.

“How are things going with you? How are you feeling?” Now I get it she wanted to talk about my condition as she would say.

“I am doing great Dr Winters and I have been thinking I don’t think I am bipolar after all I am just depressed I looked about being bipolar online and I am different I just need some pills for my depression and that’s it I don’t need the other stuff” I said with a hopeful look on my face

“You do seem better, you know what take these instead “she said handing me a packet of pills from her desk. “ Take care of yourself Alexandria”.

“Thank you so much Dr Winters.” I said leaving the room.

I told mom all about it on the way home, she seemed happy about it, who knows maybe she would cut down on her drinking now.

I was being naïve her drinking problem just kept getting worse, but I need to get her better, I needed her to be better I can’t watch her slowly wider away because of me .

“Dad will be so proud of you darling “she said smiling.

I laughed at the thought of dad being proud of me it was a thing that would never happened. Him being proud of me, his hopes and dreams he had for me all left him the day I told him I was a lesbian.  I will never get the look he had on his face out of my mind , the look of disappointment .For that I despised him I thought he would love me just like mom but no instead he ignored me, pretended I didn’t exist. This hurt me even tough I didn’t show it, it did.

When we got home I went straight to bed listening to ‘Fall out Boy’ they always made me feel better. After a couple of minutes mom turned up with some chicken soup. “Mom I’m a vegetarian remember? “, “Oh I’m sorry darling I’ll fix you something else up “she said

“Don’t bother I can’t keep anything down anyway, I just want to sleep “I said.

“Ok I’ll leave you be “

She finally left and I heard the phone ring it was Sally. We talked for what seemed a few minutes but turned out to be hours. I told her that I was fine and I’ll be at school next week , she hung up because she was going out with Hope on a double date with two guys I couldn’t bother remembering the names off . Sally and Hope where getting closer since me and Aria started dating.

Aria called after work we stayed up talking all night. After we hung up I started thinking more about how much I don’t deserve her, she should be with someone who actually cares , I mean I do care about her a lot but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to hurt her . Like I hurt all the people I care about. 

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