𝐎𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐌𝐲 𝐀𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Part 5 ~ Broken-Hearted Girl

Olivia's Point Of View ~

I listen blissfully to the silence of the late night, hearing the faint chirping of crickets fill out the air and the crackle of the fire. I'm staring at the orange flames as it begins flickering away, warming my body even though I feel somewhat cold. 

I gotta let you know what's on my mind . . 

Just the thought of Eric being with another women . . being with the women that he cheated on me with. I feel my inside's stop working, along with the sound of my heart breaking apart. I feel broken, lost. Like somehow I don't know how to even think anymore. So do I just fake it so my heart won't hurt anymore? Do I just act like nothing happened just to keep a smile upon my face?

. . I need to convince myself that he's not the truth.

I miss Eric, I really do. 

I just got to try and get him out of my system because I'm going crazy missing his love. But it's so tough. I can't just do that . . it's not that simple for me. It's sad for me because of the fact that it even happened the way that it did. That's the hardest part of it. In a blink of an eye, all I believed, all I wanted, the man that I love become a lie. But I still can't get over him. These 3 months have been good but . . really hard. I don't wanna feel this way. I have spent most of my time trying to move on from Eric. It's just he loved me once. He was in love with me so is there anyone out in the world that will fall in love with me

 . . again? 

I'm trying to just move on but it's so hard. Moving on from Eric and his confusing kind of love that he was cast upon me. It feels like a tear in my heart, like apart of me is missing . . I want to be okay.

. . I've tried and I've tried. 

It's hard now that he's gone, so hard now that he's moved on. I'm still not over him. And how and why am I not over him? From what he did to me I should want nothing to do with him. So why do I still miss him the way that I do? 

. . what does he have over me?

I don't remember much from my cousins Carly's wedding yesterday. I feel just terrible about it. I contacted her through Skype . . just to apologies that I wasn't around towards the end of the celebration. She was worried about me, she said. But I told her that Michael was with me and that made her feel a lot better. She doesn't know the whole truth to it though. She doesn't know that I still love and miss Eric terribly. I just wouldn't feel comfortable talking to her about that. That's why I'm so blessed to have such a good friend like Michael. All I remember from the wedding was me and Carly talking . . about Michael actually. How we would be great together. She's been saying that for years now. Then she mentioned Eric and for me to just . . basically forget about him, just like that. Then me, drinking and drinking. I was in the bathroom, sitting by the toilet in one of the stalls. I don't even know how long I was there for. Then I remember hearing Michael's voice . . calling me. And then Michael was their suddenly, in front of me. He told me he was taking me home and that everything was going to be alright. I still feel a little embarrassed from my actions of last night's idiotic choice to drink myself stupid and almost sick. 

I was just sad . . really sad. 

I pull the blanket around my body. Bringing my legs up slightly to my chest. Staring into nothing. Michael's presence becomes known as he wraps his arms around me. A rush of alarm spreads through me suddenly, then calming me once hearing his voice.

"Sorry Liv. I didn't mean to scare you, baby" He softly whispers to me. 

I feel him placing a kiss atop my head. All my deep thinking just now and I didn't realise that Michael is already sitting behind me, my back against his warm chest.

"No, that's okay . . I was just umm . . thinking . . " I say. 

"I was calling your name a few times, asking if you wanted a hot chocolate . . " 

" . . I just know how much you love them . . " He tells me. 

I look over my shoulder at him as I feel him shift in his sitting position, reaching his hand up and over to the small coffee table beside him. Picking up a mug before holding it in front of my face. 

"Well, I made one for you anyways, babe" He says with a giggle. 

"Aw, thank you Michael . . " I say happily. 

I'm smiling, taking it from his hold and bringing it to my lips. Taking small sips. It's still a little hot. I close my eyes as I taste the combination of chocolate and the sweetness of almond milk, feeling it run down my throat. Michael's body becomes closer to me, his arms around me. 

"What were you thinking about, Liv? . . " He asks me. 

I stare down at my hands, nervously tapping my fingers against the glass of the mug. I hear Michael sigh in a kind of frustrating yet very concerned sort of way. He gently tightens his hold around me. Michael allowing the blanket to fall down a little, revealing my shoulder. Michael leans down to me . . placing his chin there.

"Olivia . . please talk to me . . " He whispers so softly. It's actually comforting. 

A tear runs down my face . . 

Michael continues to talk. 

"We haven't really spoken about the whole wedding scenario yesterday. I was so worried when I couldn't find you . . " 

" . . then finding you in the toilets, all by yourself. Crying and so drunk! . . " 

"Michael . . I apologised this morning to you about that . . " I tell him quietly. 

He suddenly disconnects his chin from my now shaking shoulder as more tears release themselves from my glassy eyes. Michael knows exactly what it was about. Why I was such an upset mess.

"Olivia, baby . . I don't want an apology  . . I just . . " He sighs, stopping. 

I feel more relaxed as I feel his lips find home on my shoulder. 

"Michael . . it's just . . Eric's my first love. You know how hard those break ups are . . " 

I pause, then continue . . 

"I'm upset because of what we could of been together, what we could of had . . " 

"He cheated on me with another women and now he's dating her. He did what he did as a way of telling me he doesn't wanna be with me anymore and I had such a strong love for him . . " 

" . . I still bloody do, damn it! . . " 

"That's what hurts the most . . " I say wiping my tears. 

I couldn't stand to look at Michael, in his eyes. Who knows what he must be thinking.

"I'm sorry Liv, I just wanna make sure that you're gonna be okay, that's what I want . . " 

It's silent for a few seconds before Michael speaks again . . 

"Your first love? . . him?" 

He brings his lips to my ear . . 

"Olivia baby, I wanna help you forget about him . . please let me do that for you"

He whispers with an enticing sense in his voice, an alluring fondness shoots through my veins as he oh so slowly slides his fingertips up and down my thigh underneath the blanket . . resting his large hand on my now heated skin. 

to be continued.