Charming and Awkward

Chapter 34: You. I want you.

-Violet-

The box sat on my desk.

It's been sitting on my desk since Christmas. Sometimes I sit and stare at, other times I throw a shirt over it. I haven't opened it and I'm not sure I want to. At least not right now. It's Reese's idea of closure, but it's also his idea of potentially making me feel bad. I know Reese. He hasn't changed, not really. He's still Reese. He looks the same, only slightly different. His voice a little deeper and his eyes a little paler. But it's Reese.

When you're sixteen, you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with the first boy you fall in love with. That's how I felt with Reese and I always made fun of that in movies. Then I fell in love with Reese, the bag boy from the grocery store and part time troublemaker. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. It was hard to picture a life without Reese in it.

Then he left and it changed.

People leave and you have to get used to it.

I healed after Reese. Maybe not completely, but I was better and I learned not to let my feelings depend on anyone else but my mom and my brothers. I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy, but I didn't know that when Reese left. Happiness was this distant thing that I had no idea how to reach.

Now there's James.

And my heart is swelling all over again. When I look at him I feel it like an electric pulse. It's nothing I felt with Reese. It's what I thought I felt until it became a reality. I'll always love Reese, but in such a different way than I did before. I can't see myself with Reese and I can't see myself without James. I'm not going to let my feelings to depend on James, but I'm not going to be happy if he decides to leave.

I don't even want to think about that being a possibility.

And I know Reese is bothering him. The letters that sit on my desk are causing trouble.

As I stared at them, I can just feel myself getting angry.

I walked over to my desk and picked the box up from the surface. After turning around in a small circle, I decided they'd be best under my bed for now until I'm ready to read them. With a small shove, I pushed them under until it hit something hard.

When I stood back up, Gray walked into my room with a raised brow. "Being destructive?" He asked and leaned against the doorframe.

"Not yet," I replied. "Give me a hammer and let me loose in your room."

"I'd rather not give you any tools." He grinned. "What are you shoving under your bed? Another dead body?"

I leaned my head to the side and smiled. "How'd you guess?"

Gray just shrugged.

"I was just putting away the box Reese gave me. Kind of tired of looking at it and it's an eye sore when James comes over."

"Don't you think you should've done that in the first place? It couldn't be easy for him to look at it."

"I know, I should've thought about it."

"Do you love him?"

"I love James a lot," I retorted. "Why are you asking?"

Gray's lips twisted into a smile. "Just seeing which person came to mind first."

"There's no question about it," I said quickly. "It's James. I'll always choose James no matter what."