Dear Lauren

Chapter Nineteen.

Camila's POV

Hey. It's been a while. I guess I should catch you up. Well it's April 4th and that's crazy to think because it's been a year since- well that's another story. But I've made it a whole year. I actually lost this journal and I really wish I hadn't found it. I lost it the beginning of February after I quit cheer. Let me just say I'm way happier now. I found this diary because my mom told me for my sixteenth birthday I get to do my room at the new house and get my dad's old car. So here I am. Finally clearing out my room. I read through this and my feelings came flooding back.

January 23, 2013
I don't love you anymore Lauren. I can't. You're happy with him. I don't love you anymore.

February 2, 2013
To whom it make concern. Find love, don't let it go, fight for what you believe in.

February 4, 2013
I finally told my parents. They just want me happy. My mom is worried about this being for attention like everything else.

February 5, 2013
I give up Lauren. I hope you're happy.

I never stopped loving you. I just suppressed my feelings. I thought it would make you happy. I still love you.

"Camila? What's this?" My mom asks and looks over my shoulder.

"An old journal," I say smiling at all of my random ramblings.

"Come on Camila. We have to leave tomorrow," she reminds me.

"I know mom. I'm almost done," I sigh.

I should tell Lauren my feelings before we move.

"Mama? I'm gonna go see Lauren," I say and grab my phone.

"Okay. Be home by 10," she says and enters Sofi's room with clean laundry.

I walk to Lauren's house and listen to the playlist I made. It's full of songs that remind me of our adventures.

Camz❤️: come outside. We need to talk

Lauren's POV

I'm listening to music and doing my English homework when my phone alerts me.

Camz❤️
iMessage

I open the message and almost drop my phone.

Come outside. We need to talk

I pause my music and throw on my jacket.

"Camz? What's wrong?" I say. She looks at me almost crying.

"Lauren. I'm so sorry," she says and drops her head. I walk towards her and lift her chin. Her brown orbs, glossy with tears threatening to spill over.

"I'm moving," she blurts and covers her face.

"W-what? You're leaving?" I ask and try to hide the voice crack.

"I'm so sorry. But I needed to tell you in person and see you one last time," she says and wipes my tears.

"No. Don't touch me," I snap. I didn't mean it. I wanted nothing more then to grab her face and kiss her.

"Laur-"

"No stop. Go away. Don't try to contact me," I say. She doesn't even know she is my first love.

I push past her and run to my room. I barely make it to my room before breaking into body racking sobs.

Camila's POV

She doesn't even know she was my first love.

I walk home and write a letter with tears dripping onto the page.

Dear Lauren,
I know you told me not to contact you but I can't just leave without telling you how I feel. I have been in love with you since the day you were walking with Dinah and I after chemistry freshman year. You were so excited about this new album. Your voice got high and excited, your eyes twinkled, your smile are your face. I couldn't have told you then that I loved you because I hadn't accepted who I was. That's my first memory of you. I cherish it everyday.

I am in love with you Lauren Michelle Jauregui. I'm sorry I can't be here to protect you from all of the boys ho will break your heart. I'm sorry I won't be here for your wedding or for your graduation. I'm sorry I can't be here anymore. I never thought it would come to this.

I love your eyes. I actually love your eyes. They are never the same color just like there's never an identical sunset. They're always beautiful and unique.

I love your smile. The way how when you're genuinely happy, you're face squeezes up and your eyes are almost shut. Your teeth shine and your cheeks tint this perfect pink.

Your nose is a perfect slope. It comes to a perfect point. There is absolutely not a single pore on your China skin.

Your long Raven wavy hair hangs to your butt. It's the perfect combination of wavy and curly. It waves down to the ends of your hair where it then flips into these adorable little curls.

You're perfect Lauren. That little bit of pudge that only you see, it's your organs. It's just your body doing what it's supposed to so don't criticize it.

You're brilliant. You could go anywhere you want. Any college would be happy to have you. Between your photography and writing, they'd be stupid not to take you.

I love you Lauren. I'm sorry I never told you before. I was so afraid of losing you but I realize that not telling you has had the same effect.

If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared, you say it and you say it loud.

So I'm saying it Lauren. I love you. You're my sunset and I'm watching it set for the last time.

-Camila

Good night my sun.
-
I wake up at six am and grab the letter off my desk.

I'm going for a run. Will be back -mila

I walk to Lauren's house after scribbling a note to my parents.

I kiss the letter and place it on the step.

To Lauren

I'm sorry it had to end like this.

Lauren's POV

"Lauren get up. Camila left a letter on the step and I think you should read it now," Chris says.

I read it and reread it. I throw on my converse with tears streaming down my face.

I sprint to her house and arrive just as she's walking out with her final bags. I run up and grab her face. I kiss her and in that moment, this isn't just lust. I am in love with the brown eyed beauty.

"I'm sorry I never told you. I love you," I say and we hug.

She kisses me one last time and climbs into the car.

I know she is the love of my life.
-
{10 years later}

"Come on Karla let's go to the park," I say to my four year old daughter.

She giggles and runs out the front door in a blur of dirty blonde curls.

We arrive at the park and immediately my daughter sets off in an adventure.

"Mommy look I made a friend!" My daughter exclaims as if it's the best discovery in the world. Something looks familiar about the young girl my daughter has brought over. And that's when I see her. The woman who I fell in love with ten years ago.

"Lauren?"