But Then I Met Her | ✓

Chapter 46

The next morning I wake up convinced that last night was a dream.

At least, I am until I see Tris. She's smiling as if she just got the greatest news, and she's abandoned her usual loose shirts for a tight one that shows her tattoos. Her hair is loose, not in a ponytail or braid like it usually is.

I take this all in as I walk into the cafeteria. She smiles in my direction and starts to raise her hand as if to wave, but I follow Zeke over to our usual table. I don't look directly at her, just watch from the corner of my eye. Uriah is sitting next to Tris, and Marlene and Lynn are with the other initiates.

I grab some toast and start eating it, not bothering to listen to what my friends are talking about. My mind wanders to Tris. I don't think taking her into my fear landscape was a mistake. She's trustworthy. And as if that fact isn't enough, she stood up to my father for me. She was willing to do that, and she didn't even care that I was abused for most of my life.

"Four!" Shauna is snapping her fingers in front of my face.

"What?"

"What happened last night, dude? You're like, out of it." Zeke gestures to my toast, which I'd just placed on the table while I daydreamed or whatever I was doing.

I shake my head. "Nothing. Just thinking about what's going to happen today." I look at Lauren. "You sure you're okay to let them go through your fear landscape? I could throw together a fake and you can claim that it's yours."

Lauren shakes her head at me. "I'm fine. I did it last year, remember? My fears are pretty average."

I feel someone's eyes on me and automatically my gaze shifts to Tris. Our eyes meet for a second, and I try to throw my walls back up again. I look away, trying hard to push the feeling of her pressed up against me in my fear landscape from my mind.

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"Two years ago," Lauren says, standing in front of the initiates outside of the fear landscape room with her hands on her hips, "I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, getting thrown out of Dauntless, uncontrolable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces."

The initiates stare blankly at her, as if to say are you expecting us to remember all of that? Marlene looks ready to whip out the notebook that she keeps in her back pocket and take notes.

"Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number." She says.

Lynn asks the question that most people are thinking, though she, Uriah, Marlene, and now Tris know the answer to. "What's the lowest number that someone has gotten?" Lynn asks.

"In recent years," Lauren's eyes flick to me for a second. "Four." Marlene, Uriah, and Lynn glance at me briefly.

I keep my eyes on the floor, knowing that Tris is looking at me. I look at her through my eyelashes, and see her glaring at the floor. Taking out her anger on nonliving things- something else we have in common.

"You will not find out your number today. the simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will experience my fears instead of your own." Lauren goes on about them only facing one of their fears, and I clasp my arms behind my back and stare at the wall, pretending to be bored.

Lauren points to the initiates at random, and I see that Tris gets kidnapping. Oh, God. This is not good, not good at all. After Lauren injects the serum, she rejoins me. "Oh shit. Isn't Tris the one that Peter almost chucked over the Chasm?" she asks quietly, barely moving her lips.

"Yeah."

"Oh shit." she repeats. "This will not be good."

Tris screams. She screams several times. Peter smirks, but it fades slowly, as if he's just now realizing that it's not because of Lauren's fear that she's scared- because he damaged her in a way that can't be fixed. This seems to surprise him.

"Stop." I say, my voice stern. Several initiates flinch.

Tris's eyes clear as the simulation stops. She drops to her knees and covers her face with her hands. I grab her by her wrist and wrench her to her feet, hoping that she'll forgive me for this later, and that she'll understand that this is to protect her. I can't have them hurt her. I can't.

"What the hell was that, Stiff?" I demand.

"I..." she lets out a small hiccup. "I didn't-"

"Get yourself together! This is pathetic!" She's strong; this shouldn't hurt her too much. And if it does, I'm holding on to a shred of hope that she can forgive me later.

Her tears stop, and her eyes burn with anger. She slaps me across the face, so hard that my head whips to the side. I stare at her, keeping it blank to cover my astonishment. "Shut up." She yanks her arm from my grip and storms out of the room without another word.