Jay Mcguiness My Angel | Jaythan Au

Chapter 6

It was a late saturday afternoon, and I decided that I might as well do my homework now, instead of leaving it until tomorrow so I can have a day doing whatever I want. I brought a cup of tea with me upstairs to drink and I placed it on my desk, in the far corner so I wouldn't knock it over when I was writing.

It took me two hours and four cups of teas to write the essay and my arm was aching after all that writing. I looked at the picture that was took of me, mum and Jess when we was at Barbados; in the water park. That was a fun day. I remember being excited to be going down the slides, There was one that was really high which I was too scared to go on, but it did look fun. 

I was jolted awake from my slumber, by high pitched-screams; mum's and Jess' screams. I started to panic, I didn't know what was going on I ran to my door and opened it. I saw a massive fire outside my room. There was no way that I could get out of my room, the fire was too big and spreading fast. I quickly closed the door, so the fire wouldn't get in but I knew that the smoke could get in through the tiny gaps in the door. I could hear my mum and Jess screaming and shouting for someone to help, they were also shouting my name, asking if I was okay.

I was helpless, I had rang the fire engine so they could come and rescue us, there was nothing I could do to help them. The smoke was coming in thick and fast now, I was struggling to breathe because of my asthma and the doorknob was now scolding hot so I couldn't even open the door to get out. I just hoped that the firemen would get here and get us out of here. They could leave me in here, I wouldn't mind as long as my family is safe that's all that matters.

My vision started to become distorted and my breaths came out short and raspy, my eyelids began to droop close. I tried my best to keep them open. I could hear the sirens, they were coming closer and closer. They had just kicked the door down and then my eyelids shut and everything went black.

I woke with a start, sweat dripping down my face, and my hair and t-shirt drenched in sweat, that was my worst nightmare yet. It was never in as much detail as it was tonight, they seem to be getting worse and worse. These nightmares are driving me insane.

I didn't know what to do, I've tried sleeping pills but they make the nightmares even worse and they make me like a zombie in the morning when I woke up. The only way I could think of to keep me sane was cutting. 

I know that it isn't the best solution but it works, it eases the pain for a bit and makes you feel alive. Well that is how it makes me feel. I got out of bed the cold breeze coming from the open window felt good against my hot, sweaty skin. I opened the drawer to my cupboard and pulled out the razor that I kept, only to use in emergencies. I've tried stopping, but it isn't the easiest thing to do.

I sat down, with my back against the door and I positioned it on my wrist and pulled it slowly across in a vertical motion, letting the pain take over my body. I got up and put my razor back and went into the bathroom. I looked into mirror, I hated the monster that I had become, yet I enjoyed the satisfaction I got from it. The satisfaction that I wasn't going insane, that I was very much sane. 

I sighed and washed my face and cleaned up my cut, before I went back into my room and changed into a clean pair of sweats. I didn't bother putting a shirt on as I was still hot and my chest was still hot and sticky from all the sweating.

I lay ontop of the duvet trying to get to sleep, but I just couldn't. I tried everything I could - that usually works - for me to get back to sleep but this time, it didn't work. I sighed, and looked at my alarm clock '4:38am' the bright red light read.

I started to think about what has gone on since i've moved to london. Suddenly my thoughts turned to Jay. I liked Jay, alot. He was kind, funny; clumsy but nonetheless funny. I loved his laugh, it was a very contagious laugh which made you want to laugh with him even if it wasn't funny at all and he as just laughing for the sake of laughing. 

I sighed, that sounded as if I liked him as more than a friend.

Maybe I did. Maybe I liked Jay more than a friend.

'No! You can't, he is your friend you can't...no that is disgusting Nathan ew that's weird.'

I'm even talking to myself, now that is weird. 

Ugh, where did this me liking Jay more than a friend nonsense come from? 

Suddenly then tiredness hit me like a tidal wave. It must be from lack of sleep, after all I haven't been sleeping good lately and lack of sleep can make you think weird and crazy things so it must just be that then. 

I turned onto my side before closing my eyes and falling asleep as soon as I had closed them.

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A/N: Yay! I updated again. First I would like to say sorry if you don't like reading about self harming. and I know that alot of people do self harm - like I do - if you any of you guys ever need to speak to someone, you can speak to me because I'm here for you; all of you. You can send me a message on here or on my tumblr which is nicely-mcguiness please, I love you all and you are all perfect.

On another note, I should hopefully update Friday at the earliest, Maybe earlier than that but it depends. 

Byeeeee, 

nicely_mcguiness x